DEAR DEIDRE
My best mate and I ruined our relationships after catching STIs from romp with two sisters – and they’re both pregnant
We were both so drunk that I can’t remember much but I know we paired off with the sisters
DEAR DEIDRE: MISSING the last train home has cost me and my mate our relationships . . . and he was due to get married this year, too.
We work as highway contractors, mainly on the motorways.
It’s well paid but it’s a case of work hard, play hard.
Having said that, my friend and I were both in settled relationships.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for eight months and my mate’s wedding was booked for September. He’s 32 and I’m 30.
We had some Friday night beers two months ago and things went a bit far.
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We were off our heads when we stumbled out of the pub to go into town to a club.
We stayed drinking in the club until my mate knocked a tray of drinks out of a waitress’s hand and we were thrown out.
When we eventually made it to the station, it was all closed up and we’d missed the last train home.
That’s when two women walked by and we started chatting. They said we could call a cab at theirs which was just around the corner.
They said they were sisters and were 24 and 26.
They offered us drinks and then started to get very flirty. We were both so drunk. I can’t remember much but I know we paired off with the sisters.
It was a disaster, and we both caught chlamydia! I had to tell my girlfriend and my mate had to tell his fiancée.
We’ve blown up both relationships and they dumped us.
Now I’ve had a text from the girl I was with saying she’s pregnant and so is her sister.
She’s saying we’re responsible but they won’t have DNA tests.
My mate has a lot of explaining to do to his family because the wedding is off and now he might also be a dad.
DEIDRE SAYS: This wasn’t your finest hour. If you’d been sober, you’d never have risked a great relationship for five minutes of sex with a stranger who left you with more than a bad memory.
If these women are refusing a DNA test, they might be having a laugh, at your expense. Insist on having one done to prove paternity.
If you are both full of remorse, all you can do is beg and plead with your girlfriends that this was one, very bad, drunken mistake, not to be repeated.
My support pack called Cheating – Can You Get Over It? may help you both too.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to [email protected]
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page.
My fella wants to sleep around
DEAR DEIDRE: MY bisexual boyfriend has told me he wants an open relationship but I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with it.
He’s 27 and I’m a guy of 29. He has had a promiscuous lifestyle. We actually met in a gay bar, but going with different men isn’t my style.
We had a lot in common when we got talking. We like the same music and we both work in technology.
We’ve been dating for six months. We went out for a drink last night and he was talking to a girl at the bar while he was getting us some drinks. I watched him put his number in her phone.
He came back to the table and after a while, he asked me how I felt about open relationships.
I don’t want to lose him so I said I’d consider it. If we go for it, I worry he’ll get his head turned.
DEIDRE SAYS: If he’s used to having different partners, he may be trying to find out where he fits in.
You know what you want though, so pretending that you’re happy to go along with him cheating on you is a bad idea. It will just leave you feeling miserable.
It’s only an open relationship if you both agree to it. Tell him you care for him but you’d prefer to be exclusive.
Ask him what another partner would give him that you can’t. He may realise that he feels the same but if he doesn’t, then you’re better off looking for love somewhere else.
Lover has lied about divorce
DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL like getting in touch with my lover’s wife and spilling the beans on what a snake he is, if she doesn’t already know.
We met on a dating site for divorced people.
I’d been hurt when my husband cheated on me so I figured finding another divorced person might be safe.
I’m a woman of 35 and I met a man of 38. He said he was divorced. He worked on the oil rigs. I live in Scotland so he seemed like a good match to me.
We dated and it quickly turned into a sexual relationship. I thought he could be the one.
He explained his wife had cheated and she now ran a bed & breakfast in the Lake District. I did a bit of snooping and found her. She looked lovely.
I talked to him about joining me for my birthday but he said he’d be going to his place in Spain. He didn’t invite me.
When he left, I called his ex-wife’s B&B and asked to talk to her but I was told she was on holiday. I pretended I knew her and said, “Has she gone to her place in Spain” and the reply was, “Yes”.
I’ve been texting him but no response.
I know he’s still married. I don’t deserve this. Should I tell his wife?
DEIDRE SAYS: No. It will be your word against his. If you’re certain he’s lied to you, you’ll have to put this down to experience and move on.
His wife may already know what he’s like but turns a blind eye, and it’s not your place to tell her she’s married to a love-rat if she doesn’t know that already.
He’s hurt you so just try and learn from it. The next person you start a relationship with, find out as much as you possibly can about them before you start thinking of a future together.
My support pack called Finding The Right Partner For You explains more.
Struggling after first love took his own life
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M a married woman with two kids but I won’t ever forget my first love who took his own life three years ago.
I’m 28 and my husband is 31. He’s great.
My first love was with me for two years. We met in year 12 in school and we were inseparable for a couple of years.
He lived with depression though and that was tough for him, and sometimes for me too.
When he was really low once, his mum came to the door and said he didn’t want to see me any more and he was in a bad place. He recovered but he didn’t make contact with me again.
He’d be 29 now but three years ago, I got a call from a friend who knew his sister, to say that he’d taken his own life. I was devastated. I went to his funeral.
My husband understands but it’s my ex’s birthday soon and I keep thinking about him.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry. First loves are often very special and your relationship was no exception.
It’s tragic for a young man to take his own life like that but please believe that it wasn’t your fault. The reasons he died will go back to long before he met you.
Find some bereavement counselling so this doesn’t affect your family life.
Samaritans run a support group programme that supports people bereaved by suicide. Book a place on it at facingthefuturegroups.org.
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