secret pain
Gregg Wallace admits being suicidal after MasterChef axe amid allegations of ‘lewd and inappropriate behaviour’ on set
The TV presenter has opened up about the impact of the probe against him
GREGG Wallace admitted being suicidal after accused of "lewd and inappropriate behaviour" on the set of MasterChef.
TV presenter Gregg said: "I thought about suicide all the time."
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Gregg was accused of making sexual remarks to 13 colleagues including Beeb anchor Kirsty Wark - accusations he denies.
The 60-year-old stepped away from the BBC show while historical misconduct allegations against him continue to be investigated.
Gregg told : "I hadn’t slept for four days. The feeling of being under attack, of isolation, of abandonment was overwhelming. Nobody from the BBC contacted me once these stories started breaking – absolutely nobody at all.
"You don’t sleep. Your chest races. Your body feels like it’s shutting down because it can’t cope with the levels of stress. You feel really dirty and horrible because everybody is saying you’re a pervert.
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"Women – big, respected personalities I thought I had a decent relationship with - were attacking me."
His wife Anna said: "About a week into it all, he broke down in the hallway. He was sobbing, “I’m broken. They’ve beaten me. They’ve completely ruined my name.”
"It just got too much for him. He’s quite a strong man who doesn’t show emotion, so for him to break down crying…"
Former greengrocer Gregg blasted "women of a certain age" who he claimed were behind the allegations, causing huge backlash. He was forced to apologise days later.
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Gregg admits his social media rant was a mistake, adding: "I went completely wild and blamed it all on middle-class women. It was the biggest mistake but, by far, the best thing I could have done."
That's because a senior executive from MasterChef finally contacted Gregg, who added: "He was the first person I’d spoken to in days.
John Torode breaks silence on MasterChef co-star Gregg Wallace accusations
"Nobody should be left on their own to face something like this. It’s very difficult to explain the pressure unless you’ve been through it.
"I thought about suicide all the time, 'Is my insurance up to date? Will Anna get some money? She doesn’t deserve this. It would be better if I wasn’t here.'"
Gregg said he was "knocked for six" when his former friend Vanessa Feltz turned on him.
"She [Vanessa] had a story from a friend of hers who said she’d overheard me saying something sexual in a lift. I’ve always got on well with Vanessa. I’ve been on her show. We even swapped messages on social media," Gregg said.
‘I’m thinking, “Really, Vanessa, you’re weighing in with something someone else told you that I was supposed to have said in a lift? I thought you liked me".
He lashed out at Kirstie Allsopp's allegations, after she claimed he had told her a story about "sex act that and his partner had enjoyed every morning" while they waited a green room together before filming for a pilot.
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Gregg insisted he did not say that because he had only ever tried the "sex act" once when he was 28 and "didn’t like it".
He also addressed Kirsty Wark, 70, who accused Gregg of telling ‘sexualised’ jokes filming for Celebrity MasterChef in 2011.
Gregg said he could not understand the complaint and believed they had got on quite well during the series - even "drinking champagne at the final and sharing jokes".
Banijay UK arranged for him to be supported by a crisis mentor who insisted he had a mental health screening.
Gregg was diagnosed with profound autism.
He has since cremated his 80-year-old mother Mary Pettman who suffered a fatal heart attack in her sleep as Gregg's 20-year career collapsed.
Gregg admitted he felt "terribly sad" for his mother to see him at his lowest just and to witness his career downfall just before she died.
The former BBC star said he hopes his mother is "looking down" on him and is able to see him come through the other side now.
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The cooking show’s production company, Banijay UK, has said law firm Lewis Silkin is leading the investigation into Wallace’s alleged misconduct.
The findings will be made public next month.
Gregg Wallace - MasterChef scandal in Brief
GREGG Wallace has stepped down from his MasterChef hosting role after a probe into alleged inappropriate behaviour. But what's the situation?
Regular MasterChef host Gregg Wallace is currently the subject of a probe after an investigation was launched into his alleged misconduct over a number of years.
Gregg has been accused of making sexual remarks to 13 colleagues including Beeb anchor Kirsty Wark - accusations he denies.
The 60-year-old has now stepped away from the BBC show while historical misconduct allegations against him are investigated.
Yet the former greengrocer spoke out on social media to blast the "women of a certain age" who he claimed were behind the allegations.
The cooking show’s production company, Banijay UK, has said law firm Lewis Silkin would lead the investigation into Wallace’s alleged misconduct.