My boyfriend hid his bisexuality for three years – what if he’s actually gay?
DEAR DEIDRE: EVER since my boyfriend came out as bisexual I haven’t been able to shake the nagging worry that he may actually be gay.
I don’t want to believe it, but the last thing I want is to live the rest of my life being used to cover up someone’s true sexuality.
I’m a woman aged 30, he’s 34 and we’ve been together for three years.
Recently our sex life has been suffering, and despite our efforts he has struggled to maintain an erection.
I tried to be patient, but after months of issues, I started to wonder if there was a reason behind it.
When I sat him down to talk about it, out of nowhere he professed that he was bisexual and that it had been heavily playing on his mind.
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At the time I was taken aback, and while I felt a lot of confusion, I accepted him fully. Ultimately his sexuality didn’t matter to me as long as we still loved each other.
However, as time has passed our issues have persisted. Now every time I try to have sex with him or initiate any kind of affection he seems completely disinterested.
Just last week I caught him watching gay porn and he admitted he finds the male body more attractive.
He has even confessed that when we started dating he had been using two separate profiles for both men and women.
I’m really struggling to come to terms with all of this. How could he hide this from me for so long?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: After three years together, it’s understandable you were shocked he came out as bisexual.
I can imagine it’s confusing, but the fact that he has been up-front with you suggests he trusts you and wants to be honest with you about this.
It’s likely he didn’t know how to tell you and was worried about your reaction, which is why he has taken so long to talk openly.
Be honest with him about your emotions and don’t make any hasty decisions. It’s possible that he is feeling overwhelmed and it’s affecting his performance.
Don’t jump the gun – he’s told you he is bisexual, that doesn’t mean he’s gay.
My support pack Bisexual Questions explains more and has sources of support for both of you.
If you love him and want to make things work, some relationship counselling will benefit you. You can find support through Relate ().
