We share advice for women thinking of moving in with their partners and crossing the threshold into guy territory
Writer Eimear O’Hagan, 36, warns women of the perils of this relationship milestone
“SITTING on the floor, cardboard boxes stacked around me, I burst into tears.
"Just 24 hours earlier I’d been on a high, driving 350 miles from London to the Scottish Borders to move in with my boyfriend.
"It was April 2012, and I’d been dating university technician Malcolm, now 36, for 18 months.
"Madly in love, all I cared about was that our fortnightly ‘love commute’ was over.
"Naively, though, I hadn’t given much thought to the practicalities of not only sharing a life with Malcolm, but also sharing a house – the rural two-bedroom cottage he’d lived in alone for three years.
"Now the reality hit me: I’d moved into a man pad. From the battered La-Z-Boy in front of the TV to the stack of fishing mags by the loo, I was deep in bloke territory.
"An 8ft plant dominated the living room, a 4ft model submarine hung above the fireplace, and he’d never bothered to change the dated wallpaper inherited from a previous tenant.
"And it wasn’t just the dubious decor that felt a million miles away from my modern London apartment.
"There was barely any storage for my clothes and shoes, with Malcolm’s ‘capsule’ wardrobe of jeans and rugby shirts all fitting in a solitary chest of drawers.
"Being into art, he made me get rid of my Ikea prints – but refused to bin the scruffy shipping trunk he used as a TV unit. And when it came to housekeeping, let’s just say he took a more casual approach than I did.
"When I confided in friends how I was feeling, I realised I wasn’t the first woman to regret moving into a man pad.
"One pal Alice told me how the bathroom door in her boyfriend’s flat had been taken off its hinges and never put back on.
"Any time she wanted to use the loo or have a shower, she had to lift the door and rest it against the frame.
"Another friend’s partner, who’d lived alone for 12 years, would tell her off for things like closing the kitchen cupboards too hard or not closing them firmly enough. Amazingly, she didn’t dump him!
"Other women told tales of ex-girlfriends’ post still being delivered and endless fights about dirty socks being left beside the laundry basket.
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"When I heard Meghan Markle was moving into Prince Harry’s bachelor pad last year, I shook my head in despair.
"But according to psychologist Honey Langcaster-James, it’s perfectly normal to experience some tension when one partner moves into the other’s home.
"'Humans are naturally territorial, so to suddenly find yourself sharing what was once someone’s personal space can be a difficult situation,’ she explains.
"'But it’s not a reflection on your relationship or a sign that you’re incompatible. Women tend to be more emotional about their living space while men are more functional, which is why setting up house in his home can be challenging.
"'While women want to nest and create a comfortable home, men may resist change, believing it’s unnecessary or a criticism of how they’ve always lived.’
"The key, says Honey, is communication and compromise. ‘Be upfront about your needs and expectations before you move in, but be prepared to meet him halfway,’ she explains.
"‘However, for some couples it’s best to find a new property you can turn into a home together.’
"And that’s exactly what Malcolm and I did after 10 months of trying to make his house mine too, which involved throwing out the hideous La-Z-Boy and filling rooms with candles and cushions.
"But no matter what we did, I could never shake the feeling that this wasn’t ‘our’ home.
"We ended up moving into a recently renovated house a few miles away, where we could start from scratch.
"Six years on, and now married with two kids, I look back on my months in Malcolm’s man pad and still can’t believe I lasted as long as I did!”