Mum reveals she cheated on her ‘perfect’ husband – and here’s why she DOESN’T regret it
She revealed she would cry herself to sleep as he played Tour of Duty
ONE woman was sure she'd found her Prince Charming after she married her partner in a fairytale wedding.
But she was horrified to quickly realise he was a gaming addict who'd vanquish virtual enemies while she cried in bed.
Now she's explained exactly why she cheated... and why she's happy she did.
I always knew that I wanted to have children and get married young. I was 19 when I met Jon when I visited some friends who lived down the coast.
At first, it felt as if we were well suited. We’d go to the beach together, to the movies, occasionally out to dinner or the pub.
However, I soon realised despite Jon* being seven years older than me, it was always me that was making our plans and thinking of things for us to do.
He seemed to prefer staying at home, even on the most beautiful of days. Often he’d jump on his Xbox and get absorbed in a fantasy world. I’d watch him play just to stay close.
While a lot of guys play video games, I didn’t realise the extent of Jon’s addiction until it was too late.
I was his first long-term girlfriend. After six months of being together, I moved in with Jon. Then I fell pregnant. I was delighted, but Jon didn’t want the baby.
Sadly I miscarried. I was an emotional mess. Instead of comforting me, Jon sat on the lounge, Xbox controller in hand as if nothing had happened. I remember crying myself to sleep in the bedroom over the noise of gunfire from Jon’s game Tour of Duty.
Back then, I rationalised it was Jon’s way of coping with the pain of the miscarriage.
Despite this, I convinced myself he was the right guy for me and that I loved him. He was a hard worker and a good provider. He wasn’t a drunk or a druggie; he just liked gaming. It could have been worse, right?
As Jon said, at least, he wasn’t spending money on going out. We could save for a deposit for a house.
I gave birth to our first child, a boy in 2010, then came our daughter in 2011. Jon proposed to me on my 21st birthday, and we were married the next year.
He worked as an electrician and got a new job with a power company that would post us to projects around country Victoria. As well as being a full-time mum, I was also studying to be a personal trainer online. I felt as if our future as a family was set.
When the kids were babies, I tried to set up some boundaries around gaming. We agreed that Jon would only play after we’d finished the bedtime routine and the children were asleep. I didn’t mind his nightly gaming so much then, as I was either studying or so exhausted, I’d go to bed at 8.30pm.
Jon would be in the lounge room, playing war games online with his mates. I’d hear him screaming out, “Get Down”, or “He’s Behind You!”
Then eventually he’d come to bed in the small hours of the morning, knowing he’d have to get up at 6am.
Then he’d be tired and grumpy with the kids and me.
Any spare money went on his addiction; $2000 computers, $300 computer games and the latest equipment such as headsets, joysticks, steering wheels, and monitors. As the years progressed, Jon became further disengaged from our family life.
We didn't meet up with other young families, as all of his friends were online. He was friendly with a lot of gamer girls as well, who he'd spent hours with playing games with and chatting.
I became the sole caregiver for our kids. Jon would go to work, but as soon as he got home, he’d disappear into the study, where he had his computers plus two big screens. He was addicted to a game called a League of Legends.
After dinner, he’d go into the bathroom and lock the door and play games on mobile for hours on end. Or, when we’d go shopping, he’d sit outside the shopping centre playing games, as I struggled around the supermarket with two little kids.
If I interrupted him during a game, he’d be furious. The kids sensed not to interrupt Daddy if he was playing. It made me so sad to see him ignoring them.
A lot of the games he played were live so that he couldn’t press pause. He'd have to exit the game. Once I had a bug and kept throwing up. I asked him to watch the kids. He flung his remote control across the room in frustration making a hole in the plaster and started screaming at me for ruining the game
By the time, my son was four years old; I started to feel very depressed. My self-worth was non-existent. I had always been very trim, and I let myself go. The loneliness I experienced would make my whole body ache.
How could I compete with the fantasy women from his video games? It felt as if I barely existed. I was the carer of his children, an occasional body for sex, someone to cook his dinner and clean the house.
I thought, is this my life, listening to Jon screaming out at the top of his lungs to his mates to duck as he experienced an imaginary war? It wasn’t just affecting me, the violent games that he played at every spare moment were also giving my kids nightmares.
But he didn’t see it as a problem. He’d justify it that he could be sleeping with other women, or spending all his time and money on drugs or alcohol. Why did I have to nag so much?
He worked hard, it was his downtime. He'd played video games since he was a kid. Why should he stop now?
Then we moved back to my hometown because my dad had cancer. I felt so lost and unhappy. I was drinking more than I should have. I also started going out to clubs or bars with my girlfriends on the weekend after I’d put the kids to bed. Jon didn’t care as it would mean that I wasn’t nagging him to pay me some attention. He could play unhindered.
At first, the sense of freedom felt great. Then I got drunk and went home with a guy. The guilt was unbearable. I never had an emotional affair. It was just sex.
I didn't want my marriage to end as I couldn't bear my kids not being in a traditional family unit. No one in my family had ever divorced. My parents were still together. But when guys would pay me any attention at all, I would make feel as if I wasn’t dead inside. I needed the affection, even if it was just for a moment.
Then I found out, not only was Jon playing video games, he was on dating sites at the same time. So, I confessed to him I’d slept with three guys. He called me every name under the sun.
His version of events was that he never met any of the women, he chatted to. Whereas I’d cheated, so I was the terrible person. We went to counselling.
However, the therapist didn’t take his addiction seriously. I ended up feeling like it was all my fault.
Jon became the martyr because he was willing to work through our marriage despite the fact I’d cheated. How lucky was I? What guy would do that?
Then Jon got posted to the new town nearly 18 months ago. I decided to stay behind to look after my father. We've still not officially split up. He sees the kids about every two months and I know he still plays games every spare moment.
The kids ring him before bedtimes. Often he doesn’t answer, because he’s in the middle of a game.
He wants us to be together as a family again. He says he’ll compromise by only playing on the weekends and one night a week. But I don’t think I can go back to that world. It’s too lonely. I’d rather be alone.
This story was originally published on and is republished with permission.
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