Married bloke beds me and my pal in our school uniforms

Dear Deidre

I AM having sex with an older married man who likes me to wear my school
uniform when we meet.

I think he’s hot but he told me from the start he’ll never leave his wife and
children for me.

I’m 16 and I met him through my best friend who has been bedding him for
months. He lives down her road and she sometimes babysits his two kids.

My family are strict and against sex outside marriage. I’ve been having lots
of rows with my parents and I told my friend I was fed up with being a
virgin and just wanted to know what sex was like.

She said she would talk to her boyfriend. He is 35 and married to someone a
bit older than him but he enjoys having sex with girls who are just legal,
like us.

He agreed he would “pop my cherry”, so we met after school one day and he took
me to a flat belonging to a mate of his.

That first time we had sex it was unprotected and it was painful but I got the
morning-after pill and an implant.

I see him about once a week, usually after school and now the sex is great. My
parents both work and don’t get home till the evening, so they have no idea
I’m seeing anyone.

My lover never puts pressure on me but he still sees my mate and other girls
too. He says he will never leave his wife, though, and loves his kids.

He is a gentle lover and always looks after me. He keeps asking me to keep my
school uniform on though, which feels weird.

My friend said he wanted her to keep her uniform on when he first had sex with
her too. But he makes me feel so special.

DEIDRE SAYS: This man may be breaking no laws by bedding you but what
he’s doing is morally wrong and you’re going to end up feeling used. Wanting
you to wear your school uniform during sex is creepy too.

He is married and has said he will never leave his wife and kids for you – or
anyone.

What sort of person endlessly cheats on his family? You are just one of many
girls he has sex with and you deserve better.

Contact Brook which offers guidance to young people about sexual issues (,
text 07537 402 024).

Make a firm decision that you won’t see this man again and instead concentrate
on making friendships that can lead to real relationships with guys much
nearer your own age.

My e-leaflet Learning About Relationships will help you to understand how
important this is.

Peaked too soon with my new girl

Dear Deidre

I WAS so embarrassed after climaxing way before I wanted to during sex with my
new girlfriend. She said it didn’t matter but I could tell she was
disappointed.

I’m not inexperienced but sex has mostly been one-night stands and never
before with someone I truly care about.

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 21. I am unable to last longer than a couple of
minutes.

I want to be able to perform for longer so I can satisfy her but I feel so
nervous I am unable to enjoy the moment. I have no idea of how to fix this.

DEIDRE SAYS: This girl means more to you than all the others so your
arousal is sky-high. Tune into your sexual responses more accurately so you
can spot your point of no return.

Once you identify that, you can slow down or stop momentarily and be on your
way to control. My e-leaflet How Men Can Last Longer explains how.

Temporary split is agony for me

Dear Deidre

MY girlfriend suggested we should have a break after going through a bad
patch. It has only been a week and I miss her like crazy.

The spark had gone and we were approaching the friends’ zone rather than being
in a relationship. I am 27, she is 25 and we were together for three years.
We agreed we would have no contact for three weeks.

I am struggling. I haven’t been sleeping and I am drinking. I’m anxious that
when we finally meet, she will dump me.

Being away from her has made me realise how much I love her. What if she
doesn’t feel the same?

DEIDRE SAYS: Being rejected is painful but the break may make her
realise just what she’s missing. Lean on family and friends rather than
alcohol and show her what a strong, fun guy you are.

If she says it is over for good, my e-leaflet Moving On will help you.

Dear Deidre

MY best mate slept with a mutual friend’s girlfriend after she had a huge
fight with her man. It happened at our house and I feel guilty.

I’m 28 and married. My wife and I have never been a big fan of this girl.

My friend’s relationship with her is really bad. I’ve seen their rows and they
sometimes get physical.

They are as bad as each other. I worry she uses my friend for his house and
what little money he has.

The row happened at my wife’s 30th birthday party. He stormed off then my best
mate had sex with her after we’d gone to bed.

If I tell my friend it could split them up but I’ve been cheated on in the
past and wish someone had told me.

However, he suffers from depression and tried to take his own life a few years
ago. I’m worried the truth will tip him over the edge. He’s 29 and his
girlfriend is 27.

DEIDRE SAYS: Then say nothing. The girl could deny it. Chances are your
friendship with both of them would be on the line.

Your friend knows what his girlfriend is like. People sometimes have to work
things out for themselves.

If you feel you need to say something, talk to his girlfriend. Warn her you
cannot guarantee your silence another time.

Dear Deidre

I FEEL as though I owe it to my daughter to try to make the relationship work
with her dad but I can’t forget the way he has treated me.

I discovered my partner had been using cannabis and asked him to leave six
months ago. He had been hiding his habit for months. I had no idea. He also
used cocaine but when I asked him to leave he refused.

He became verbally abusive and hit me after an argument. He bullied me into
lending him money and would wake me up in the night to go to the ATM. He
eventually agreed to leave after I lent him £500 to start afresh. He spent
the money and moved in with his sister.

He hasn’t paid a penny towards our daughter for months.

He keeps asking to move back in after receiving drug treatment but I am
happier alone. I am 29 and he is 31. Our daughter is five.

I can’t forgive him for the way he acted towards me but I am too frightened to
tell him it is over for good. What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: It will be good for your daughter if you and her dad can
have a civilised relationship but that doesn’t mean having him back.

You can get advice for single parents from .

Dear Deidre

HOW can I tell my girlfriend I want to break up when she is recovering from a
serious illness?

I’m 24 and she is 22. We have been together for a year but I have wanted to
end things for a while.

Should I wait until she has is well again?

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s unfair to lead her to believe you’re committed when
it’s only guilt keeping you in place.

The timing isn’t good but don’t put it off any longer. She will have her
friends and family to lean on.

My e-leaflet Ending A Relationship will help you.

Teenage trouble

Dear Deidre

MY sister is chatting to a man she met online who sends frightening and
disgusting messages to her detailing what he is going to do with her when
they meet.

She is 15. I am 18 and her older brother. Our mum died a couple of years ago
and our dad isn’t around.

This man is 20. He says she should have died, not our mum. She did try to
break off contact but his mum called her and demanded to know why. She said
he was very upset. He is so manipulative.

They don’t live close to each other but speak about meeting when she is 16.

I feel as though she’s being groomed but my sister will never speak to me if I
contact the police.

DEIDRE SAYS: Or she may thank you. She did try to break contact with
him once. This needs adult intervention. Tell her she is in no way to blame
but that you are reporting him because she’s at risk.

Go to ceop.police.uk, a virtual police station where grooming or inappropriate
or potentially illegal activity can be reported. Your sister’s school could
help.

My e-leaflet Staying Safe Online explains more but look at why your sister has
been vulnerable.

You can both get help for how you feel after losing your mum through
(0808 808 1677).

Dear Deidre

I HAVE just discovered that the girls in my class at school have set up an
online class group chat without me.

I don’t understand why they would deliberately leave me out. I am 17 and in my
final year. We are a very small class and everyone knows everyone else.

I have never had any problems with any of them.

Do you think I should say something or just ignore it?

DEIDRE SAYS: Talk to a couple of the more friendly girls and tell them
you’ve just discovered this group and are interested in getting involved.

One of them may then invite you to join in.

If not, maybe this has put you off the whole lot of them. In that case, move
on and find friends who are worthy of your loyalty, perhaps outside the
school environment.

My e-leaflet Teens’ Guide To Socialising has ideas.