‘I married the wrong person’: Twice-divorced Mel Sykes on why she wouldn’t say no to husband number three
Mel talks divorce, booze-free living and the sisterhood
MEL Sykes is contemplating how she feels in the aftermath of her second divorce.
She finally settles on “sensible”.
Mel, 45, would probably be the first to admit that the word didn’t feature much during her 19-month relationship with roof contractor Jack Cockings.
The divorced mum-of-two met Jack, 15 years her junior, on Twitter, where he bombarded her with flirty (and later sexually charged) messages.
There was a whirlwind romance that, quicker than you can say “I do”, ended with a lavish Dorset wedding in 2013, attended by the likes of Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford.
However, the fairy tale didn’t have a happy ending.
Instead, the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it marriage ended after seven months.
Mel was arrested and cautioned for common assault, but took the case to court a few months later, cleared her name and got the caution withdrawn.
The divorce proceedings were finalised last month, two-and-a-half years after their break-up.
Mel has kept relatively tight-lipped about the split, the divorce and life thereafter, but today she signals that the topic is finally up for discussion.
“Try me,” she goads.
She takes a sip of her coffee before considering our first question: Do you feel in a better place now the divorce has gone through?
“I’ve been in a brilliant place for a good few years now,” she clarifies, admitting that being on her own again has been “amazing”.
Despite press speculation to the contrary, the divorce has not, Mel spells out, been painful.
“Actually, the divorce was the easy bit,” she explains, before pinpointing what hurt the most: “Being married to the wrong person. It’s funny, because the divorce came two-and-a-half years after realising that, so I’ve been fine for quite a few years. The divorce was good and final.
“It’s always difficult to break up with somebody, but it’s been for the best and I knew it at the time and that’s why we’re not together.”
Mel doesn’t believe in “types”.
“I couldn’t go: ‘He’s got to be this, this and this.’ Life’s not like that unless you’re putting it into a computer and somebody’s throwing out suitables.”
While she’s comfortable talking about her relationship history, she refuses to be drawn on whether or not she’s dating now.
“I’ve made that choice having had such a public relationship,” she says.
“Anything that’s going on with me now and in the last few years is mine and mine alone. And that’s it.”
This no-nonsense attitude is understandable, given how publicly her relationship with Jack played out.
Do lessons learned mean that Mel, who divorced her first husband actor Daniel Caltagirone in 2009 after eight years of marriage, would rule out marrying a third time?
“I never say never any more, because every time I do, I end up doing the opposite thing,” she says.
“It’s just not realistic. The fact is I don’t really see the point of it. So I don’t know.”
Mel is convinced of one thing, though: that regrets are a waste of energy.
“Every time we supposedly make mistakes, a million things come from it that are positive, so it’s not a mistake,” she says.
“There are bad choices, but from that always springs a new understanding of oneself, so it’s a positive.”
During previous Fabulous interviews, Mel has, at times, been on edge.
Her responses often bordered on frostiness and she occasionally batted back questions with suspicious frowns.
Today, she admits that life used to get on top of her, particularly back when she was a new mum.
“I was working full-time, had a toddler and it was the whole nine yards,” recalls Mel, who’s now mum to Roman, 14, and Valentino, 11.
“I don’t get so overwhelmed any more because I’m dealing with today, and that’s all that really matters. I stay in the moment as much as possible and it’s saved me a lot of stress. I’m a much calmer person. It’s just evolution.”
Life has a habit of putting things into perspective, and although she doesn’t say it, raising autistic son Valentino – or Tino, as he’s known to family – has played a part in Mel’s tendency not to sweat the small stuff.
Valentino was diagnosed at the age of two, and since then Mel has worked hard to raise awareness of the condition, which includes persistent difficulties with social interaction and inclusion.
More recently, Mel has publicised her battle to find a new school for him after he was asked to leave his mainstream academy in London because of “insufficient resources”.
This is the one part of the interview in which Mel’s buoyancy slightly dips.
“I’m probably at my most vulnerable when I’m powerless to help my kids,” she admits.
“I’m going through that at the moment with Valentino and his school. It’s a constant thought.”
Mel, fortunately, has the full support of her ex-husband Daniel, 44, and showers him with praise for being her parenting partner-in-crime.
Such is the strength of their relationship, he even has a key to her new apartment in north London.
“He’s able to come and go with the boys if I’m away,” says Mel.
“He’s going to be in my life forever and there’s absolutely no point in us being at loggerheads. We’re actually at peace, and it’s fantastic.”
Manchester-born Mel’s sense of peace isn’t so much written over her face, it’s in her entire demeanour.
She says this new mellow attitude has also come into play with her exercise regime.
The size 8-10 star has scaled back muscle-honing exercises, and the result is a softer body shape.
“I get ripped quite easily, but lately I’ve felt like I don’t know if it suits me so much,” she says.
“I’m 46 in August, and you have to think about these things. I just want to take a bit more care of myself internally, to protect my ligaments and bones, and if that means losing muscle definition, then so be it. I’m not saying it’s bad – I like my physique. I work at it.”
That she does.
Strong, active and passionate about keeping fit, Mel can usually be found in a pair of shorts and a Lycra top – her uniform since getting the fitness bug eight years ago, when she transformed herself from slim to ridiculously toned.
But while she’s swapped “burpees and bouncing around like a nut job” for Pilates and barre classes (ballet meets Pilates), Mel’s workouts are still not for the faint-hearted: “It’s light weights but intense, deep stretching. It’s hard,” she says.
On top of three to five hours of exercise a week, Mel squeezes in one “punishing” personal training session.
Just one word of advice: construct any new bod compliments for Mel very carefully.
“Somebody on Instagram recently wrote: ‘Not bad for an old bird,’ and I was like: ‘How very dare you!’” she chuckles.
“It makes me laugh because everyone talks to me about ageing, and I think: ‘God, I’m only 45, it’s not like I’m 65!’ I’ve got another 45 [years] if I’m lucky.’”
Before our photo shoot begins, Mel sinks two black coffees.
Caffeine is her one and only vice (she promises she kicked smoking a year ago), in what is a low-carb, high-protein, almost dairy-free diet that she’s followed since discovering nutritional therapist Amelia Freer’s Eat Nourish Glow philosophy a year ago.
More recently, she’s sworn off alcohol, too.
“A year ago, I drank maybe once a month to get silly with girlfriends. Now I don’t do it at all, and that’s amazing,” she says.
She credits her new booze-free lifestyle for her youthful complexion, as well as “staying hydrated and having enough sleep, which I’m getting more of now I’m not drinking.”
Today, Mel is sporting a deep tan having recently returned from a five-day girlie break to Majorca.
There, she faced her ultimate test of sobriety at a birthday soirée, declining her favourite tipple: white wine.
“They were big f**king bottles as well!” roars Mel.
“I smelled it to remember how good it is, but I didn’t drink a drop. That’s been my only test so far, so I’m fine. I’m over it. I’m really enjoying watching other people get p**sed, and the more I see of it, the more I think: ‘I’m so glad I don’t do it.’”
Sensible Sykes at your service.
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This year marks Mel’s 20th anniversary in television, a career she launched in the mid-1990s as the famous Boddingtons beer girl with the words: “Would you like a Flake in that, love?”
Mel swiftly landed a job on The Big Breakfast, presented ITV’s daytime chat show Today With Des And Mel from 2002 with pal Des O’Connor, and hosted Let’s Do Lunch With Gino And Mel alongside chef Gino D’Acampo until it was canned in 2014.
That year, Mel finished third on I’m A Celebrity! – her last major telly job to date.
“Work-wise, I’m still waiting for a show that I’m interested in. I’m so picky, and I think that’s why maybe I’ve been in [the industry] a long time,” she says.
“I think people like to see me and hear me. I’m very grounded and people feel like I’m friendly. But who knows why people like you or not?”
She refuses to court conversation about those with negative opinions, namely “random nobodies” who give her abuse online.
“I don’t like talking about it. It gives them so much weight and gravitas,” argues Mel.
“Some people will go: ‘Look, her boobs look fake.’ Well, hello, they are, so that’s a no-brainer!
“Men can be obnoxious and chauvinistic, but one of the worst diseases in society is when women do not support women. It’s like devil’s work.
“We’ve already got enough struggles to be heard, to be seen, to have opinions, to reach higher levels of whatever we do, and other women dragging us down is just shocking to me. I’m all for the sisterhood – I always have been.”
What’s Mel’s take on Kim Kardashian’s naked selfies, which she often uploads to social media in the name of female empowerment?
Mel claims she hasn’t seen the photos, nor an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, so isn’t primed to comment because she’s apparently “so out of touch with things like that.”
But she does talk about the photos she’s posed for herself, including her 2016 charity calendar, which features some pretty sizzling images.
“I don’t do it necessarily to empower me, it’s just who I am and what I’m doing,” she says.
“I have a choice and I will exercise that choice, so if you don’t like looking at it, don’t look. I don’t think it weakens me as a female.”
Next month, Mel is launching new lifestyle website Melaniesykes.com, which will focus on exercise, recipe ideas and interviews with her celebrity friends.
“I haven’t had a decent TV offer for a bit, so I’m just going to create my own [project],” she explains.
“I want to start filming interviews again because that’s what I love doing the most. Alan Carr was one of my first [approaches], Olly Murs is going to do something, and Jojo Moyes has agreed. I keep getting yeses!”
After the demise of Let’s Do Lunch – a time she refers to as “a bit of a quiet period” – Mel enrolled on two writing courses and is now penning her first novel, a showbiz tale that is set decades ago.
And she’s turning to her old pal Des O’Connor for inspiration.
“He’s been in the industry so long, I’m emailing him every day, going: ‘What was happening then?’ and: ‘How much were people earning back then?’ He’s loving it. I think he just likes being in contact with me every day!”
Thanks to her boys, her book, the website and being signed as an ambassador for Manuka Life exercise gear, Mel is undoubtedly busy.
She’s also feeling at peace after moving into her new flat, which precipitated a much-needed clear-out.
“It was amazing. Everything that’s there is everything I need. There’s nothing surplus,” says Mel.
It’s hard not to believe she feels the same way about her love life.
She leans across the table and whispers: “And that feels good.”
Mel’s launches in July.