‘Should I lend my ex money so he can look after the kids?’ Women wade in on Mumsnet on the one dilemma no separated mum wants to face
The mum-of-two's ex cheated on her... and is supposedly bad with money. What would you do?
A MAN who demanded money from his kids’ mum before refusing to look after them overnight because she said 'no' has sparked a fierce online debate – and fellow parents are not very sympathetic to his plight.
Writing on Mumsnet, Not Again Ellie shared her story over fears she should feel guilty for turning down her husband, whom she's separated from - despite admitting that he is ‘bad with money’.
She cares for the kids two thirds of the time, with no support from him, and earns more money – but he has focused on unsuccessful careers as a writer and in a band.
Apparently, the couple split two years ago because the bloke had cheated on his spouse – and she claims she is still paying off credit cards he racked up in their name.
But earlier today, the husband turned up at Not Again Ellie’s house to pick up his two sons before school – and asked for £200 to tide him over until the end of the month.
She added: “I said no. He threw their bags at me, said he couldn't look after them then and would have to leave his car here as it had no petrol.
“I was too shocked to really react and concentrated on getting (my son) to school. When we got back the car had gone.
“He has had no money from me since he moved out, but has worked.
“Recently got a small flat, has visited friends in Italy twice since the split, paying for flights and turning down temping work.
“He often takes the kids out to eat, which is expensive and I rarely do it, despite being on a good income.
“I think his card must have got declined this morning... He is so careless with money.
“I could afford to give him £200 but I don't want to set a precedent and don't believe I would ever see it back.
“I want to be able to give the DC (dear children) a good summer.”
Despite the mum’s concerns, her fellow parents were entirely on her side.
T4GNUT said: “Do not under any circumstances give him money. He’s a big boy and has to stand on his own two feet. It’s not your job to bail him out.”
Fuzzy Scuzz Bucket agreed, saying: “Don’t lend him any money! He sounds utterly careless and he’ll probably blow it on something frivolous.
“He’s managed to go to Italy twice, why does he need to ask you for money?
“You’ll be the ‘go-to’ if he ever needs any cash, as he’ll never need to watch his spending again if you’re there to bail him out.”
And Tamara Hiddlestoned said: “He needs to learn to look after his own situation and not have you as a bank. I doubt you’d see the money again.”
Scampimom added: “Why does it cost £200 to have the kids for a night, give them some beans on toast, watch a bit of telly, and have them over for an hour maybe with some biscuit and juice?”
While Imperial Blether took a firm stance, saying: “Tell him to ask the woman he was sleeping with while he was married to you if they’ll give him money.
“He sounds utterly selfish and self-indulgent. I assume he didn’t take the children on holiday with him?”
Midnite Scribbler said: “He’s a big boy and single now. He can go and get a job.
“Make sure you keep a diary… where you write any incidents down. I suspect you may need it at some point in the future.”
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Rainbow Queen said: “Do not pay up. If it means he does not see the kids that is on him, not you.
“Remind yourself, he chose to go to Italy, he chose not to work, he also chooses not to see him.
“These are his choices and he bears the consequences. Would he help you if you made c*** choices? I doubt it”.
And sensible Furious Fate said: “Get a solicitor and get this done properly.”