Real-life Bridget Jones’s diary of boring-in-bed hubby, steamy affair, 3 pregnancy tests and 2 potential dads
A searingly honest diary entry shares a complex pregnancy journey in a plot to match new movie
ROMCOM of the year Bridget Jones’s Baby hits cinemas today.
The third film in the trilogy finds hapless Bridget, now 43, falling pregnant.
But after consecutive nights of passion with smouldering ex Mark Darcy and handsome new fella Jack Qwant, she is unsure which man is the daddy.
This may seem far-fetched but for Laura* – a real-life Bridget Jones – this is fact.
Although in love with her boring-in-bed husband Dean*, she had a steamy affair with younger colleague James*.
Here, in searingly honest diary entries, she shares her complex pregnancy journey.
April 2015
YESTERDAY was our three-year wedding anniversary. Dean went to town with the celebrations as usual.
He’d booked dinner at our favourite Italian and because it was “leather” this year, he’d bought me a gorgeous designer bag.
It should have been a perfect evening. But all I could think of when we were ordering prosecco and reminiscing about our honeymoon was: “What would you say if you knew that yesterday, I’d had sex with another man?”
May 2015
I’VE tried to break it off with James so many times but I always go back for more. I can’t help it.
It’s been going on since Christmas — a totally clichéd office affair.
James is gorgeous. Dark haired, tall and with the most amazing tanned, muscular body because he’s into triathlons.
We always flirted but he was five years younger than me and I was married. I never believed that it would go any further.
Then in December, after office drinks, I ended up back at his and we crossed the line.
The sex was mind-blowing — like nothing I’d experienced before.
Dean and I have been together for ten years in total and these days our sex life is mostly missionary and going through the motions.
It would break his heart knowing it but I find being in bed with Dean boring. With James, it’s exciting and passionate, even a bit kinky, and I can’t get enough of it.
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June 2015
I’M pregnant. And I’ve got no idea who the dad is.
I’ve been feeling weird for a few weeks now. My boobs felt sore and I went off tea, which was odd as I normally drink three cups a day.
I assumed it was just bad PMT. It wasn’t until my period didn’t arrive that it dawned on me what else it might be.
Dean and I tried for a family when we first got married but nothing happened.
I got checked out and discovered I had polycystic ovaries. Apparently, I was as good as infertile.
Dean and I came to terms with it, but we’ve never used contraception since. If I couldn’t conceive, what was the point?
James and I started out using condoms but then he started to do without and I stupidly let him carry on. I feel like such an idiot.
Well now I’ve done a test — actually, three — and there’s no mistaking it, I’m up the duff. Being preggers when I thought I was infertile should be amazing but instead, it’s a nightmare.
How am I supposed to know whose baby it is? What am I going to do?
July 2015
I’VE told Dean about the baby. He’s over the moon and bouncing around like a labrador puppy.
I wish I could share his excitement but instead, I feel like a total bitch.
The GP worked out what week I’d probably conceived and knowing the dates made it worse, not better — I’d definitely slept with both of them.
I’m not due until March and I’m already terrified the baby will look like James.
Both of them have brown hair and brown eyes but James’ hair is thicker and wavy and his skin is more olive-toned, whereas Dean’s quite pale.
James is also 6ft 2in while Dean is only 5ft 9in. What will I do if the baby has really obvious olive skin?
The only good news is that James has been on holiday for the last two weeks so I haven’t had to face him yet. I’m dreading it.
August 2015
I’VE told James I’m pregnant and that things between us are over.
I made a big deal about how Dean and I had been trying for a baby recently and I hadn’t wanted to mention it to him.
He gave me a bit of a funny look but said he understood.
I don’t know if it’s crossed his mind that it could be his. Surely it must have?
September 2015
WE’VE had our first scan and Dean and I have told everyone the news.
Weirdly, sex is really good again and I’ve started to feel better about the situation.
If you tell yourself something often enough, you start to believe it’s true so I keep telling myself that the baby is definitely Dean’s.
I have almost convinced myself. Apart from the nights that I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about James and the mess I have got myself into.
December 2015
DEAN is going to be an amazing dad. He’s obsessed with “Onion”, the silly name we use to talk about the baby.
We decided we didn’t want to know the sex so we’ve got a shortlist of names for a girl or a boy — James is definitely not on there.
Our anomaly scan went fine although the moment Dean made a joke with the sonographer about how the baby looked just like him made my blood run cold.
What if the baby is James’s and there’s a hereditary illness I don’t know about?
What happens if our baby ever needs any blood tests or medical treatment and a doctor discovers there’s no way Dean can be the dad?
James has a new job and left the company last month.
We’d both been avoiding each other so it’s the best thing that could have happened.
As far as I’m concerned Dean is this baby’s dad and that’s that.
But I can’t quite bring myself to delete James’ number — just in case.
March 2016
SHE’S arrived. Beautiful baby Emily-Rose was born after an agonising nine-hour labour.
We’re home now and I’m a besotted, overwhelmed, emotional, hormonal wreck.
Emily is perfect and Dean and I can’t stop sneaking peeks at her.
But there are terrifying moments when I’m feeding and I stare down and am convinced she looks just like James.
Is her hair wavy like his, or is it just normal baby fluff?
Her skin is really pale like Dean’s and everyone keeps saying she’s the spit of him — but is she really?
Yesterday I posted my first photo of Emily on Facebook and one of the people who “Liked” it was James. I’ve unfriended him.
September 2016
I CAN’T believe Emily is six months old already. I’m convinced she has Dean’s smile and looks more like him every day — or is it just that I want her to?
When I see Dean cuddling Emily, I know categorically that she will grow up with him as her father. But when it comes to her DNA perhaps I’ll never know.
I’ve heard nothing from James and that’s exactly how I want it to stay.
As Emily grows up I’m not sure if the guilt, or the fear of my secret being found out will ever leave me.
But for now our life goes on — as a family.
* Names have been changed