Heartbroken mum shares devastating moment she realised her baby had died while she slept next to her
Jemma Roberts, from the Forest of Dean, Gloucestershire, blames herself for her daughter's tragic death
A HEARTBROKEN mum has told of the devastating moment she realised her baby had died while she slept beside her.
Jemma Roberts, from the Forest of Dean, Gloucestershire, was besotted with daughter Sydney-Mae and said that after five boys in a row, the little girl completed her family.
But tragedy struck in December last year when the tot was just three months old, after Jemma, 33, had put her to bed next to her.
Having checked on her three times before going to sleep, Jemma woke up at 7am in a panic after realising Sydney-Mae had not stirred for her 4am feed.
She found her unresponsive and after a mad dash to hospital doctors couldn't save the little girl.
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The hospital informed the distraught family that it was sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), but Jemma was overwhelmed with guilt despite there being nothing she could have done.
She said: "I’d let my baby down. I should have protected her.
"How could I have slept beside her, not knowing she was dying?"
Jemma and partner Steve met in 2011 and had two boys - Kian, four, and Khai, two.
She also had four children from a previous relationship; Lauren, 17, Adam, 15, Rhys, nine and Theo, seven.
Jemma explained: "I adored all our boys but the house was full of toy trucks and play-fights. Steve and I longed for a little girl and Lauren longed for a sister."
When Jemma fell pregnant in early 2016, her wish came true - at the 20-week scan the sonographer confirmed she was expecting a girl.
"I asked her three times to double check before I could believe her," she admitted.
"We left the hospital with beaming smiles and went straight to buy pink dresses."
Sydney-Mae was born on September 6 last year, weighing 6lb 9oz.
Jemma recalled: "She had a thick mop of black hair and the deepest dark blue eyes.
"I held her to my chest and thought my heart might burst with love for her."
Speaking about the night Sydney-Mae passed away, Jemma told how she and Steve had put her to bed, kissed her and cooed over how beautiful she was.
The couple didn’t live together, and because Jemma and Lauren planned to take Sydney-Mae on a girly shopping trip the next day, Steve took Khai and Kian home with him that night.
Jemma said: "I kissed all the boys goodnight and off they went.
"At 9pm I checked on Sydney-Mae. She was still sound asleep when Lauren looked in on her at 10pm.
"At 11pm I stroked her nose, kissing her forehead. She wriggled but didn’t wake up.
"I knew she’d wake me in the night when she was hungry. I said goodnight to my baby girl and climbed into bed next to her, falling asleep.
"At 7am I remember feeling confused, wondering why Sydney-Mae hadn’t woken me for a feed.
"As I turned over to check on her, panic shot through me as I saw her eyes wide open, but she was still, un-moving.
"I touched her cheeks and she was cold. I screamed and Lauren came running."
They called an ambulance and the operator told Jemma to start CPR, but the mum struggled to get her mouth open.
She explained: "I did 27 compressions on Sydney-Mae’s chest before the paramedics arrived, scooped Sydney-Mae up and rushed her away. I collapsed to the floor, screaming."
The family followed the ambulance to hospital, but Sydney-Mae was unresponsive - every time they turned the life support machine off, she flat-lined.
Jemma said: "I just kept saying no, hundreds of times. I thought it was all a bad dream and I’d wake up any minute.
"I held Sydney-Mae in my arms and she was so cold, her lips blue. I wanted to wrap a blanket around her to warm her up.
"Lauren, Rhys and Theo cried as they said goodbye. Steve arrived shortly afterwards, unable to fathom what had happened."
The family stayed with Sydney-Mae for hours. That afternoon, a police officer asked to speak to Jemma.
"It was routine with an unexplained death," she explained.
What is sudden infant death syndrome?
Sudden infant death syndrome sees just under 300 babies die every year in the UK.
It is sometimes known as “cot death” and is the name given to a condition where an apparently healthy baby dies unexpectedly.
Most sudden and unexplained deaths happen during the first six months of a baby’s life.
Infants born early or with a low birthweight are usually at greater risk of the syndrome, with baby boys more commonly affected by SIDS.
"I wanted the police to punish me. I’d failed in my job as a mother, to protect my children.
"The hospital said there was nothing I could have done to prevent Sydney-Mae’s death.
"I didn’t agree - I went over all the ways I could have done something different. All she’d brought us was joy, it didn’t seem fair."
Sydney-Mae’s funeral was held on January 10, 2017.
Jemma explained: "I’d never imagined I’d have to go through losing a child.
"I felt guilty that I’d been asleep while she was dying. I felt guilty that I hadn’t put her into her cot that night.
"The hospital assured me none of these things would have caused her death but I felt guilty that I was alive and she wasn’t."
Determined to prevent such tragedy happening to other families, Jemma started fundraising for , which detect every sound and tiny movement your baby makes.
An alarm sounds if your baby hasn’t moved for 20 seconds.
Jemma has already raised more than £11,000. As the monitors cost up to £100, she has been able to donate to families all over the UK.
She said: "I wished I’d known about them before it was too late for us. But this is Sydney-Mae’s legacy.
"I also want to fund CPR training so that if the worst happens, parents know what to do.
"People say time is a great healer but the pain gets worse every day.
"I focus on raising awareness, but if it wasn’t for my other children, I don’t think I’d be here now.
"Friends say I’m brave and strong but I’m not. My heart is broken and I’m not sure it can ever be repaired.
"I still don’t understand why Sydney-Mae died and will continue to blame myself. But she will never be forgotten."
Join Jemma’s campaign on Facebook .
In March we told how a mum issued a stark warning after her seven-month-old son died from SIDS despite her following all parental advice.
Last year we reported how a mum was left devastated after her “perfect” six-month-old son also died from the condition.