Win or lose, the game’s up Dave… EU referendum mess means we’re witnessing end of the PM
The EU debate has divided his government and left the Prime Minister in a very vulnerable position
DID you watch the referendum debate between the Prime Minister and Ukip leader Nigel Farage?
There wasn’t much else on the box Tuesday evening, so I tuned in. And it is important, apparently.
David Cameron was all over the place. Skewered time and again by clever questioners from ITV’s audience.
He seemed to lack conviction in what he was saying — not surprisingly, as a few months ago he had “an open mind” on whether we should leave or stay.
It was a sad sight, in a way. Because I think we’re witnessing the end of David Cameron
And now he’s trying to tell us that if we leave it will be the end of the world as we know it, everybody dead, plagues of locusts, etc.
It was a sad sight, in a way. Because I think we’re witnessing the end of David Cameron. A shame, because while I’m no Tory, I do rate Cameron as one of our best prime ministers of the past 40 or 50 years. Persuasive, competent, pragmatic and engagingly human, with a sense of humour.
He took office at a calamitous time yet six years later some of our country has experienced a decent enough recovery.
And then the referendum came along. The reason we’re having one at all is because Cameron’s party is utterly divided on the issue — at least, the party in Parliament.
Most Tory activists want to get the hell out of the EU, but the party’s MPs are hopelessly split on the issue.
The cleverest of his Cabinet ministers, such as Michael Gove, are determined we must leave. And so when Cameron talks about the EU to the public, like he did on Tuesday, he’s bound to get a rough ride.
Most of the voters who want to stay in the EU can’t stand him because he’s a Tory.
And now, those who are campaigning for us to leave can’t stand him either.
So one way or another, he’s toast. If we vote remain on June 23 he will be leading a government more hopelessly divided than any we have ever seen. If we vote leave, he’s out, surely.
Listen, I don’t usually feel sorry for politicians. And Cameron’s predicament is largely one of his own making.
But still, it is hard not to have sympathy for someone who is comprehensively undone by his own side.
Every time he puts on his sincere face and tells us we need to stay in the EU, the EU goes right ahead and does something utterly f***ing deranged that makes us all know we have to leave.
He’s been dealt a bugger of a hand. And I don’t suppose it makes it much easier for him that, if we’re honest, he dealt the cards himself
Such as telling 70million Turks they have the right to come here. Or deciding that illegal migrants cannot be locked up.
Or telling countries that elect populist parties that they might be banned from making decisions within the EU.
He’s been dealt a bugger of a hand. And I don’t suppose it makes it much easier for him that, if we’re honest, he dealt the cards himself.
I’ll be voting leave on June 23. But I may spare a moment’s regret for Cameron.
We could’ve had it much worse these last six years.
Tactical interception
YIKES, a Russki submarine, armed to the teeth, has been tracked in the English Channel.
What is Putin up to? The obvious explanation is that they’re trying to find out England’s line-up and tactics before the game on Saturday.
But Vlad needn’t have bothered as Roy Hodgson’s assistant, Ray Lewington, has already let the cat out of the bag.
He was photographed holding the team selection and game plan.
Apparently we’re playing Rooney in midfield. And the tactics involve kicking the ball as hard as possible towards Harry Kane.
Tremble you Russkies, tremble.
Waging war on the EU
GREAT to hear former Redcar steelworker Mike Gilbert on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme.
Mike, above, lost his job when the local plant closed down – the Government refused to help.
He’s had to move his family out of their mortgaged home into tiny rented accommodation because his new job doesn’t pay nearly as much.
This has happened to countless steelworkers on Teesside.
Mike blames the Government and the EU – and put his points across brilliantly.
He was followed by the smug, sneering and arrogant old Tory grandee Michael Heseltine, who had been dug out of some crypt especially for this radio appearance.
There are plenty of jobs on Teesside, the old idiot asserted. Yes, but they don’t pay a decent wage, do they?
Get back in your box, Hezza. We heard enough from you 30 years ago.
So, all's Wel then
AND racing ahead in this year’s contest to find the most stupid political comment made by a senior Church figure – yes, it’s the one and only Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury.
He denounced Nigel Farage for talking about the sexual assaults on women carried out by migrants in continental Europe. This was, he said, “inexcusable pandering to people’s worries and prejudices, that is giving legitimisation to racism”.
So did none of it happen, then, Justin? Or should we just pretend it doesn’t happen?
Welby, we all had high hopes when you were chosen. But increasingly it seems you’re just the Guardian newspaper, in a frock.
Look, it's Axl Grows
HERE’S a photograph of Axl Rose, which we publish in the public interest. And also because I thought you might like to see it.
The Guns N’ Roses frontman, famous for having long hair and shrieking, is trying to stop people seeing this snap from one of his performances.
That’s because he looks like a cross between Rab C Nesbitt and Rab C Nesbitt’s fatter, older grandad.
And people have been making fun of him on social media sites.
Don’t be so sensitive, Axl mate. It’s just age – happens to all of us, even rock stars. Oh, and eating a lot.
All together now:
Take me down to the Paradise City,
Where the pies are vast and you don’t stay pretty,
Ohhhhwhoah whoah take me hoooooome etc.
Equality farce
AND so, back to the sane and rational world of our universities once again.
The lecturers’ trade union is putting on an equality conference.
And what’s the first thing they’ve done?
Yep, they’ve banned straight, able-bodied white men from taking part in it. At an equality conference.
The delegates have to state their “protected characteristics” – i.e. if they are black, or gay, or don’t have any legs or what have you. Terrific.
However, there’s a loophole.
Because they are all really doolally, the rules state that you don’t actually have to be gay, black, disabled, etc.
Simply that you “self-define” as being that. So I suggest to any white male lecturer who wishes to attend this jamboree of idiocy, he simply turns up and says: “I self- define as both black and disabled. And I’m also non-binary gender specific.”
On the other hand, I can’t imagine why anyone in possession of an IQ above room temperature would wish to attend.
Noel's cancer facts
ANOTHER celeb on a one-way ticket to the booby hatch. Yes, let’s hear it for the intellectual might which is Noel Edmonds.
Noel claimed he had “tackled” his prostate cancer with a yoga mat costing £2,300. The cancer was caused by stress and something called “negative energy”, according to the man who was once a co-star of a giant, pink and yellow inflatable balloon.
“Scientific fact – disease is caused by negative energy. Is it possible your ill health is caused by your negative attitude? #explore,” the TV presenter said to one cancer sufferer on Twitter. Nice.
Noel, you can’t cure cancer with an expensive mat.
And cancer isn’t caused by negative energy.
Now sit on your stupid bloody mat in Crinkley Bottom and shut up.
Free the nipple ... except on page three
YAY, Brighton’s in the news again! The UK’s most deranged city hosted a march of topless women along the seafront.
I don’t mean they didn’t have heads and shoulders – just that they had their baps out on display.
For most of the men in Brighton I don’t suppose this was a particularly exciting event, but there we are.
Anyway, the march was to “free the nipple”. Free the nipple from what? The woman who organised the thing said that women should be free to display their nipples wherever they wanted and whenever they wanted.
Ah, right – so how about the pages of The Sun, then, you feminists? Or is that the only place they SHOULDN’T be allowed to display nipples?
I might organise another march in Brighton: Bare Your B*****ks For Britain.