We need fresh ideas… so let’s clear these political duds out of Parliament
It won't be long now until we say a sad farewell to David Cameron... but George Osborne will be first out the door
REGARDLESS of the EU referendum result, I’ve been putting together my own political hit-list.
First out the door will be George Osborne.
I don’t know if it was the length of the campaign, his lack of food, his barber going on strike or what, but he’s clearly gone Harpic — right round the bend.
All this end-of-the-world stuff makes it clear he can no longer continue as Chancellor.
He’s had a good run, having produced eight Budgets, but the country needs fresh ideas and not ones dreamed up in the Priory.
Boris should move into No11 where his first job is to fire Mark “never wrong for long” Carney, the Bank of England governor who has been relentlessly following the Osborne EU playbook and, even worse, forecasting interest rates going up as they relentlessly head down.
Those with decent memories will remember that one of Boris Johnson’s first acts as London Mayor was to fire the Metropolitan Police Commissioner.
He’ll do the same to Carney.
Osborne can have a quiet kip as Foreign Secretary for a couple of years before losing the contest for Prime Minister and heading to the wealthy graveyard of EU supporter Goldman Sachs.
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Philip Hammond gets the push (from both sides!) for being a disloyal s**tebag, having made clear he was a massive Eurosceptic to his local constituency before adding Evo-Stik to his rear end round the Cabinet table.
Next to go is Home Secretary Theresa May.
She too turned out to be a EU turncoat and then stayed schtum as she saw the polls heading towards Leave.
Jeremy Hunt would be a decent replacement after he did a great job seeing off the junior doctors plus getting fresh investment in the NHS.
Promotion is due to Priti Patel, who remained strong when it would have been easier to trim her sails.
Michael Gove was a revelation and is far too talented to hang about in Justice.
It’s not long now until we say a sad farewell to Cameron.
Never been a fan and when he hitched his wagon to the appalling tragedy of MP Jo Cox being murdered by a deranged man that saw him out the door for me.
He will struggle to keep the party together for the next couple of years and will prove the Enoch Powell view that “all political careers end in failure”.
In his case, good riddance.
Why is Michael Jackson still on the radio?
YOU don’t hear Gary Glitter on the radio any more. Nor for that matter Rolf Harris.
Both are serving lengthy sentences for sexual abuse, and station bosses rightly believe there would be an audience and advertising backlash.
So why on earth do we continue to hear Michael Jackson on the airwaves – not to mention a hit musical about his life playing to packed houses in the West End?
The latest shocking evidence to emerge on the paedophile has come from the Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s report following a raid in 2003 on the Neverland ranch.
Police found a secret hoard of child pornography, some of it featuring naked young boys and animals.
Jackson’s whole life has been plagued by abuse allegations.
If you followed either the criminal trial he faced on charges of molesting a 13-year-old cancer victim or look at the tens of millions he has paid to families as hush money, you will know that he was a paedophile of the highest order who used his fame to lure children to his lair.
Of course the Jackson estate, which earns money from every piece of music played and every image displayed, claims it’s all lies, with daughter Paris saying: “I urge you to ignore the trash.”
The only trash are the family and radio station owners who are making money out of this sex attacker.
It would be good to see Britain’s biggest radio group Global – they own Heart, Capital and LBC – make a start by taking Jackson off the playlist.
I hear nothing but good things about Global’s owner/founder Ashley Tabor.
I’m sure he will listen.
Prince Jimmy was a one-liner king
CAN’T let the death at 89 of Jimmy Nicholson – known as the Prince of Darkness for wearing a black silk cloak – pass without publishing the same three one-liners he had been using throughout his career as a crime reporter for five different Fleet Street papers.
He would say: “I have covered every siege since Troy.”
Further: “I’ve been on more doorsteps than a milk bottle.”
And whenever he saw rival reporters, he would remark: “Here come the hitmen from Mothercare.”
He leaves a wife and three children.
They don’t make them like Jimmy any more – more’s the pity.
Punnies on the money
YOUR punnies are right on the money.
Builders’ sign outside a bank in Lincoln – Bank Job In Progress.
Car body workshop van in Newton Abbot, Devon – Let Us Spray. Sandwich shop opposite golf club in Bushey, Herts – Sand Wedge Bar.
Plumbers’ van in York – All Cisterns Go.
Cafe in Naphill, Bucks – Pony Espresso. Wool shop in Aberdeen – Wool For Ewe.
Restaurant in Bournemouth – Schpoons and Forx.
Cafe in Haddenham, Bucks – Tickety Brew.
Breakdown truck in Blackpool – You Bend Em, We Mend Em.
Do send more to me at [email protected].
You can pocket a packet
I’M saving people fortunes.
Column reader Russ Sweeney from the Wirral received a renewal for his Land Rover Discovery (he’d never made a claim) for £650.
He thought it too rich so went on and got the same cover for £260.
What a discovery.
The same for Peter Fullagar, of West Wickham, South East London, who was quoted £743 for house and contents but came to and got the same cover for £340.
One quick point: Wholesale gas prices surged by eight per cent on Wednesday because Centrica is closing its storage facility until August 3 and it accounts for 72 per cent of the country’s gas storage.
This is traders cashing in but if you haven’t swapped your supplier in the last two years or so you must switch as I expect your saving to be anything between £150 and £1,000.
I can help.
Email your money-saving tales to kelvin@ the-sun.co.uk.
Well worth noting
I NOTE that Twitter has paid £100million for a London start-up called Magic Pony, which turns out high-quality videos from grainy footage.
What interested me was that of the 14 employees, 11 were PhDs.
You wouldn’t have wanted to take their coffee order, would you?
Beret the hatchet
HAVE been flooded with emails from fans of Captain Sensible after showing my ignorance in Monday’s column over who he was.
He’s doing very nicely thank you, playing guitar for the legendary Seventies punk band The Damned, who sold out the Albert Hall last month.
If you bump into the Captain, tell him to get in touch.
It’s been too long.
Brazen Janet is a fraud
I AM grateful to the satirical magazine Private Eye for fishing out a number of damaging quotes from Janet Street-Porter on the honours system.
She said in April 2015: “Our honours system must be scrapped.
“The only medals worth giving out are for community work and personal sacrifice to the people out of the public eye.”
There were four other quotes along similar lines in the past three years.
I agree with them.
But what did she do?
She accepted a CBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours.
I presume it was for humbug and hypocrisy.
Apologies in order
IN Monday’s column I told the story of the smart woman who used her phone to film her daughter’s five-day-old baby twitching then showed it to a doctor at the A&E in Ashford, Middx.
I have since learned the A&E at Ashford has been closed for years – it was the one at St Peter’s in Chertsey, Surrey.
Apologies.
— THE management at Stonehenge gave three reasons for the dramatic collapse in people celebrating the summer solstice at the site this year, down from 24,000 last year to 12,000.
1) The weather was poor, 2) The solstice fell on a weekday, 3) It clashed with the England-Slovakia game.
The more likely explanation was that for the first time alcohol was banned at the ancient site after stones were vandalised and that the p***ed pagans went to Lille instead.
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