If you mess up, you know what to do… own up – don’t go through life unable to take responsibility for your actions
From the Mayor of Dover claiming he thought he snorted sherbet, to the teacher who said her drink was spiked when she slept with a pupil - some people need to face the music
ANYONE else noticed that there’s a new excuse in town when people don’t want to take responsibility for their own actions?
I’m talking about the claim that: “My drink was spiked!”.
It seems to be increasingly wheeled out as if to say “nothing to do with me, Guv” whenever someone has committed a wrongdoing.
It’s usually used when there is irrefutable evidence of their misdemeanour — when it is caught on film or CCTV.
So while they have no choice but to admit they actually did it, they’ll resort to anything to avoid admitting it was their fault.
Let me be clear. I’m not in any way dismissing or diminishing the very real fact some despicable people out there choose to spike drinks specifically in order to take advantage of their prey.
But this is something different altogether. And there are two more examples of it this week.
The first is the Mayor of Dover, Neil Rix, who, after he was filmed snorting white powder off a toilet cistern with a £20 note, distanced himself from the act first by saying: “It could have been sherbet, for all I know.”
Despite the fact the footage shows him saying (before snorting the aforementioned “sherbet” into his nose): “Listen, right, shut the door. Don’t want anyone f***ing looking in.
“Don’t want anyone seeing Cllr Rix doing this.”
Well, quite apart from the fact that anyone who refers to themselves in the third person should be locked up, it seems pretty clear from that alone that he knew exactly what he was doing.
But although he admitted it was him — there was hardly any denying it, after all — he insisted it was not a resigning issue.
Why not? He claimed his drink had been spiked and he’d been “set up”. Not his fault, see?
And then there is Isabelle Graham, the former teacher at Whitburn Academy, West Lothian, who was last week judged unfit to teach and barred from the profession by a disciplinary panel.
Again, it was hard for her to deny the charges levelled against her — allegedly engaging in sexual activity with a 17-year-old in her care while in a position of trust, to be specific — given that they were in part caught on CCTV.
But did she take responsibility for her actions? No, she did not.
She also claims that her drink was spiked, causing her to act in a way that was entirely out of character and leaving her with no recollection of events.
Her husband insisted he never had any doubt that the allegations were false.
Even if their drinks were spiked, I don’t really buy it when people say things like “it was the drink talking” or, “I become a different person when I’m drunk”.
No matter how drunk I was, I’m damn sure I wouldn’t sleep with a 17-year-old boy. Or snort anything, including “sherbet”.
So when people say they become a different person, I think they are, more likely, just unable to admit it’s more a case of the real person — one they don’t want to acknowledge — being allowed out.
I’m also sceptical because during Graham’s hearing, DS Keith Mailer, who investigated the incident for Police Scotland, said there was no evidence of her drink being spiked when she was tested at a hospital.
He also referred to footage showing the teacher and student kissing, saying: “The way she moved and conducted herself suggested someone who was making conscious decisions.”
To which she said that some drugs leave victims lucid but hinder decision-making.
I wonder who Rix and Graham think they are fooling. Maybe they’re kidding themselves but they are not kidding us.
Ironically, we would have far more sympathy if they said: “Hands up — I made a mistake.”
Over the years, I’ve had players who have found themselves in hot water, but rather than judge them on that I’m more swayed by whether or not they have the maturity to take responsibility for what they have done.
After all, part and parcel of learning your lesson — and of growing up — is admitting what you’ve done wrong.
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And if you are going to take a job that involves responsibility and expectation, part of that is to come clean when you’ve messed up — and face the music.
But some people are so unable to admit to their shortcomings, that they end up believing their own lies.
As a result, they go through life unwilling or unable to take responsibility.
It starts with: “The dog ate my homework.” And, I guess, it ends with: “My drink was spiked.”
No other way than equal pay
I WAS interested, though not surprised, to see Lizzie Cundy on This Morning saying that men should always pay on a first date.
The same week, a contestant on the show First Dates was reportedly so furious that her otherwise very nice date assumed she would pay half of their dinner bill that she deemed it a deal-breaker.
I have been married for 21 years so it has been a while since I have thought about this on a personal level, but both stories shine a light on one of those out-of-date expectations that might need a bit of thought.
To be fair, Cundy, is of a generation that thought it “right and proper” that men give up their seat, open doors for ladies, and also pay the bills. I am too.
But these days, actually, why should it be a matter of course that men pay for stuff? Times have changed, people!
My daughter and her friends wouldn’t even dream of expecting a man to pay for them. The reason? It is called equality.
The flat assumption that men pay for women no matter what is from a bygone era. It is all fifty-fifty these days and, actually, how great is that?
Personally, I would rather pay my half, get in my car and drive myself home than have the bill paid for me and have to drive home with someone because of a sneaking feeling that I owed them something in return.
Parents, you can breathe again
LISTEN carefully today and you will hear a resounding sigh of relief from parents up and down the land.
Yes, it’s the end of the summer holidays – at last.
For any working parent, the summer holidays can be a nightmare.
The soundtrack for six long weeks is, “I’m bored!”, while you spend your time frantically trying to arrange childcare and be in two places at once.
There is no holiday about it.
But now it’s back to school for all of us and I, for one, relish getting back into the routine.
I love autumn, from Halloween to Bonfire Night, and September always feels like a fresh new beginning.
Bring it on!
As Tube crimes go, putting on make-up isn't bad
MORE than two thirds of women apply make-up during their Tube journey to work, a study finds.
I know a lot of people object to that but I get the Tube every day and women putting on their make-up is just another example of us multi-tasking.
It does not bother me one bit.
And when it comes to Tube crimes, there are many, many worse things – from not wearing deodorant to noise pollution.
But perhaps the worst was the other day when I sat next to a man who was eating – I kid you not – a jar of anchovies.
My reaction, though, was typically British. Rather than offend him by getting up and walking away, I just sat there quietly, gagging.
Ahead of the curves
NEW “trends” in female body shape usually make us all feel a bit worse about ourselves.
But I am embracing the one for so-called mermaid thighs, as proudly displayed by Kim Kardashian.
It means your thighs aren’t separated by a thigh gap, as sported by Blurred Lines video star Emily Ratajkowski.
As most people have to work incredibly hard to achieve a gap (and for that you can read starve themselves), I am sure I am not alone in being proud to have effortlessly achieved my mermaid legs.
Put lessons on the menu
THE nation has lost touch with baking skills and most of us overcook classics like shortbread and Victoria sponge, a new study reports.
Like most people who went to school until the mid-Eighties, when home economics was cancelled, I was taught how to make food from scratch and cooking was considered a vital life lesson.
As a result, I can cook everything from a roux to a jam roly-poly, even if not to quite the same standard as Candice and her fellow contestants on Bake Off.
I think it’s a real shame that cooking isn’t taught in schools any more.
Let’s bring it back, don’t you think?