My son was secretly watching twisted Andrew Tate videos and the shocking things he learnt left me feeling such a fool
I’VE made a terrible mistake. As a woman, it might be considered almost forgivable.
As a feminist, it might be indefensible. But as a mother, to have ignored and dismissed the extreme misogynistic social media “star” Andrew Tate is unconscionable.
And I have to confess that I feel an absolute fool.
The handsome former kickboxer, who preaches to millions online and holds young men and boys utterly captive with his extreme beliefs, is being detained in Romania on rape and human trafficking charges.
And my 14-year-old son knows all about him.
The mistake I made was thinking that, as my children have grown up in a house built on equality and feminism, tolerance and respect for others, that I didn’t need to lecture them about a random chauvinist who talks about how women “belong in the home”.
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I wrongly presumed they would not be sucked in by the images of flash cars and would understand how this man’s hateful ideology does not fit in a modern world and certainly has no place in their lives.
It was an oversight on my part — and a dangerous one at that.
While my three oldest children are adults and can see through it and even be angered by extremists such as Tate, my son has not. Entirely.
He’s aware of the charges against Tate because — it turns out — he has watched his videos.
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My son was mainly impressed with the whole “entrepreneur” aspect to Tate.
He wants to be one himself and has been dazzled by Tate’s “achievements” — the private jets and fast cars.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked me.
As I dug a little deeper when talking to my boy, I discovered I was having a conversation with Tate’s target audience: Young men.
Whether Tate has amassed such a following by getting hundreds of thousands to sign up to his “Hustler’s University” or by asking followers to flood social media with his most controversial clips, it has certainly worked.
Many young men and boys have become enthralled by Tate’s hectoring and extreme comments.
To name but a few — “women belong in the home”, “a woman is the property of a man”.
Tate talks of hitting and choking women, he says he likes to date 18-year-old to 19-year-old women because he can make “an imprint on them” . . . the list goes dangerously on.
It’s the kind of stuff I, as an adult, didn’t pay any attention to because his views are so outlandish and because I know attention is exactly what he wants.
I felt that by giving him my attention I would be feeding the monster — and I ain’t in the habit of satisfying vile men like Tate.
In doing so, I’ve inadvertently allowed his poison to seep into the life of my young son. And that is unjustifiable.
I took my eye off the ball because I presumed my son would see through it, but in doing so, I also forgot that my boy, at 14, has an impressionable mind and a body full of hormones.
Fact is, although I guess I’m lucky that my son understands and dislikes intensely the way Tate talks about and refers to women, he does fear expressing that in his peer group for fear of being called a “pussy”. And herein lies the rub.
'GROOMING'
Tate’s religion of hatred, subordination and inferred violence against women is hugely appealing to young men who, in their teens, are still undecided about how they should feel about or treat women.
Tate has a captive audience because even if young men don’t believe everything he says, they gain great comfort from being part of a new movement which gives them a sense of belonging. Like being in a gang.
What he is doing is radicalisation. It is grooming.
Where is TikTok’s role in all this? Despite now being banned, his videos have already been viewed some 11 billion times.
I can only presume they cared more about the clickbait than the welfare of young minds.
I shall never again ignore dangerous men like Tate.
Hearing my son say he doesn’t disagree with everything Tate says made me feel sick.
I am blessed with a kind, empathetic boy. But I am also aware there are hateful, corrupt and malicious powers who will always try to sway his views of the world if I look away.
No plus side to PM's maths misery
PLEASE, sir, no! While the NHS is on fire, our railways are at a standstill and the civil service is in chaos, Dishy Rishi has decided to distract us with proposals that children should be made to study maths up to the age of 18.
Thankfully I’ll be exempt, as I’m a few years past that, but when I mentioned it to my son he said he thought he would be sick. My thoughts exactly, son!
I was rubbish at maths. Either that or the teacher was rubbish.
When I was at school I was forced to have extra maths lessons in the stationery cupboard with Mr Lavender at lunch times (don’t suppose that would be permitted now) AND I had extra maths tuition on a Saturday morning with Mr Higginbottom at his house – and I still couldn’t pass my maths O level.
I think it’s fair to say I just didn’t have the right brain for it. I was more of a creative.
Sciencey people will tell you there is no such thing and that everyone can get their head around maths and science yet for me it was not only a struggle but actually became my nemesis.
Algebra sent me doolally, geometry had me apoplectic, probability sent me into a spin – and don’t even get me started on trigonometry.
Much of what I did learn I’ve never used.
I’m great with numbers and can still remember my first boyfriend’s phone number off by heart (really useful).
Forcing children to endure maths until they’re adults seems not only unnecessary when we have calculators and Google but a painful punishment which will only serve to put them off the subject.
A life skill such as cookery or first aid, or even a bit of mnemonics (memory strategies for remem-bering worthless facts)l would be a far better use of their time and effort.
I may never have passed my maths O Level. But I is OK, isn’t I?
Shame on you Marnie for posting 'baby weight' snaps
IT’S that time of year again. Resolutions to stop drinking, stop smoking and to lose weight are as inevitable as the over-indulgence which precedes it.
And the frontrunners in this race of dumping the “old you” are always slebs suddenly dropping from “cuddly” to “skinny”.
Marnie Simpson, of reality TV fame, has suddenly appeared on her Insta having lost two and a half stone in just four months.
She claims she’s finally shifted her “mum weight” and this has led many people to unfollow the influencer because they feel she is shaming mothers who may carry extra pounds.
They’re right to be riled. The stigmatising of women who’ve not yet shed baby weight is irritating and, moreover, humiliating.
Sadly, Marnie, who has over five million followers, has a responsibility to not reinforce the stereotyping of weight and shame.
On the other hand, who knows how much of her weight loss was actually about her feeling better about herself.
I suspect she’s hoping she’ll feel better about herself once she’s made some money off her new fitness plan.
You know, the one she’s partly selling to new mums out there.
Why I won't go dry
MANY of you will be enduring Dry January – something I’m staunchly against purely because it’s the most miserable month of the entire year.
I’m not against giving up alcohol, not in the slightest. There are greater and greater conversations around this and how alcohol impacts our lives.
Love Island’s Dr Alex George recently posted on his Instagram a statement that he has given up alcohol because, although he doesn’t have a serious “problem” with drink, he acknowledges that most of the mistakes and poor decisions he has made have been while drinking. I hear ya, Doc.
I often joke about my love of rum. And I don’t think that will change.
I have, however, had to acknowledge over the Christmas period that “overdoing it” and drinking every single day of the celebrations, at the same time as being a hostess and responsible mum, responsible dog owner and housekeeper has really taken its toll.
I don’t drink every day of the week normally.
And we all know the hangovers get worse with age. But it’s the “hangxiety” the following day that often plagues me for a long time and it’s exhausting.
Alcoholism runs in my family – two of my grandparents were alcoholics.
To that end I’ve always been mindful of my consumption and constantly questioning why I might need a drink.
I don’t want to give up alcohol for ever. I’d like to enjoy it for what it is.
As we all know, it’s ingrained in our social habits, we use it as a mood alterer and often perceive it to be a socialising aid.
It can be heavy on the pocket too, and Dr Alex reckons he’s already saved about £1k after 30 days of not drinking.
What was he drinking, Cristal Champagne?
But joking aside, it’s uncomfortable to face up to our drinking habits. Even less so to be honest about them.
I think we all have a problem with drink and I do feel a personal change is looming.
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But I would still like to enjoy the odd little tipple.
Or maybe even a big tipple on the odd occasion.