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WILLY THE CONQUEROR

Extra penis ‘found’ on iconic Bayeux Tapestry by expert – but is all as it seems?

Is it a willy or sword scabbard? Make up your mind
Detail from the Bayeux Tapestry showing a soldier and a horseman.

TWO scholars are arguing the toss over the number of penises shown on the Bayeux Tapestry. 

Oxford academic Prof George Garnett claims he identified 93 todgers in the depiction of William the Conqueror’s victory at the 1066 ­Battle of Hastings

Detail from the Bayeux Tapestry depicting mounted Norman soldiers.
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Two scholars are arguing the toss over the number of penises shown on the Bayeux Tapestry - with the 93 count being challenged over an additional 'willy' findCredit: Bayeux Tapestry
Detail of the Bayeux Tapestry showing two figures with clubs and dogs.
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Scholars are debating if the appendage, above, is a new penis or sword scabbard dangling beneath the man’s legsCredit: Solent
Detail from the Bayeux Tapestry depicting a battle scene with knights on horseback.
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Most of the penises are in a state of arousal, while the whopper on William’s steed, above, was seen as a symbol of his great virilityCredit: Bayeux Tapestry

But Anglo-Saxon nudity expert Dr Christopher Monk insists there are actually 94 — saying his rival missed the pecker of a running man in the border of the 230ft tapestry

Dr Monk told the History Extra Podcast: “I’m in no doubt that the appendage is a depiction of male genitalia — the missed penis, shall we say?” 

“The detail is surprisingly anatomically fulsome.” 

But Professor Garnett remains firm in his belief it is a sword or scabbard dangling beneath the man’s legs — because on the end it has a yellow blob not seen in the other penises. 

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The tapestry records the events leading to the Norman Conquest of Harold II’s England by William, Duke of Normandy

In Prof Garnett’s 2018 tallywhacker tally, he found five on men and 88 on horses.

Most were in a state of arousal, while the whopper on William’s steed was seen as a symbol of his great virility. 

On the podcast, he said his work was serious as it gave insights into the mind of the tapestry designers. 

He added: “Medieval people were not unsophisticated, dim-witted individuals. Quite the opposite.” 

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Detail from the Bayeux Tapestry showing two naked men.
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Figure is shown letting it all hang outCredit: Bayeux Tapestry
Section of the Bayeux Tapestry depicting soldiers and a horse.
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Most of the willies are on soldiers' mountsCredit: Bayeux Tapestry
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