Sydney Harbour crash plane has a chequered past – but an irresistible call
Just as Donald Trump declared he'd single-handedly prevented fatal air crashes in the whole of 2017, a small seaplane nosedived into the water off Sydney - the trouble is that the plane is called a Beaver
JUST as Donald Trump was declaring he had single-handedly caused there to be no fatal air crashes anywhere in the world in the whole of 2017, a small seaplane nosedived into the water off Sydney.
Nobody — not even Donald Trump — knows why the plane suddenly nosedived into the water.
So, you’re saying to yourself, why is this thing still in production? Why, if it keeps crashing, do people continue to fly it?
Well I’m sorry, but if you were on holiday and a rep offered you a ride in one, you’d bite his hand off.
The trouble is that the plane is called a Beaver.
And when you have the chance to tell your friends: “I came in a Beaver,” it’s impossible to say to the rep: “It’s OK. I’ll use the moped I rented.”
It’s a bit like the new car that a Swedish company is said to be building. Modelled on the E-Type Jag, it’ll probably be terrible but I want one because it’s called The Growler.
Whatever. I’ve been in a Beaver and I found it very hairy. I was in Canada, trying to get from a remote part of the Yukon to the border with Alaska.
It’s a bit like the new car that a Swedish company is said to be building. Modelled on the E-Type Jag, it’ll probably be terrible but I want one because it’s called The Growler
The weather was hell, the lake was choppy and, while trying to land, the pilot damn nearly put his left wing tip in the water.
That’s what this plane is for. It’s not designed to take off from carefully controlled airports. It’s designed for tricky spots, in the wilderness.
It goes from small lakes to mangrove swamps.
It flies when the gods of weather are trying to make sure it doesn’t.
And rarely is it flown by someone who’s got the calm demeanour of a commercial airline pilot. He’s more likely to be a bit of a maverick.
I’m not suggesting the Oz pilot was anything like this but the people I’ve met who fly these things tend to be guided by the whisky bottle and think pre-flight checks are for the weak.
That’s why they tend to crash a lot. Because they lead difficult lives. Not because there’s anything wrong with the plane itself.
MORE beaver news: Several decades ago, a handful of beaver-type creatures called coypu escaped from a farm in Italy.
Today there are around 1.3million of them running about ruining crops and causing flooding.
And now the government there has decided that they should be killed.
Huge lumps of money have been set aside, hunters have been encouraged to get out there with their guns and targets have been set: 300,000 dead every year.
Can you imagine if that had been announced in Britain?
There would have been late- night sittings in the Houses of Parliament. Millions would have marched on Whitehall. Brian May would have taken to the roof of Buckingham Palace.
But in Italy? Not a squeak. Just a bit of light gunfire.
Fitness? I think Diaz
He looks like the Stark boy from Game of Thrones and has the sort of stomach that could withstand a full-on battering ram attack.
“He’ll make you fit,” said a friend.
I tried to explain that I wouldn’t want to spend any time at all copying the moves made by Helium Boy.
This led to an argument, during which I was told that I was being sexist.
Right. I see. So is it sexist to read war comics rather than Mills and Boon? Or fantasise about Cameron Diaz when I can’t sleep rather than George Clooney?
Quite.
STAMPED OUT
A TORY MP was outraged this week by the Royal Mail’s decision to snub the idea of stamps commemorating our departure from Europe, opting instead for a set featuring Khaleesi, from Game of Thrones.
“I’m outraged,” he thundered, before pouring himself another glass of port and nodding off.
Doubtless, it was felt that a set of Brexit stamps would split the nation, whereas everyone likes a bit of GoT.
I’m not sure this is right. Because the fact is that no one has bought a stamp of any sort since about 2003.
Vegan shaming no joke
EVERYONE is entitled to ruin their life by only eating weeds and seeds.
But if you do choose to be a vegan, you can’t very well expect to go out into civilisation with normal people.
“Pious, judgmental vegan (who I spent all day cooking for) has gone to bed believing she’s a vegan,” Laura posted on Facebook.
She was immediately pounced on by various animal enthusiasts, who say that what she did was assault and that she should be killed.
Laura now says she was joking.
Course you were, love.
OVER the Christmas period, we were told that bacon no longer gives you cancer. Well this week a new report says that it does. But don’t worry, because soon it will be next week and all will be well again.
I HOPE THEY CHOP YOUR C**K OFF
A MAN who claimed he’d rushed to help the victims of the Manchester bomb last year is facing jail after it turned out he’d actually robbed them.
A MAN who claimed he’d rushed to help the victims of the Manchester bomb last year is facing jail after it turned out he’d actually robbed them.
He stole a purse from one woman as her granddaughter lay dying.
He’s currently on remand and it’s said he can’t leave his cell due to death threats from other inmates.
Well diddums, mate. I for one hope they chop your c**k off.
MOST READ IN OPINION
Who's on zoo fire duty
I can’t imagine the smell was all that great but it’s better than indulging in that mawkish, weepy, American habit of shutting up shop for a month as a mark of respect.
That said, the fire comes just a month after an aardvark and four meerkats died in a fire at London Zoo.
Which does make me wonder if the local authorities are taking their fire precaution roles seriously enough when it comes to the sort of animals we all actually care about.
STRANGE and interesting times in Iran. Young people are taking to the streets to protest about the government’s strict Islamic laws.
Many have been killed, by all accounts.
But it seems not. “ ,” he said this week.