Brave mum June Steenkamp is so strong to forgive daughter’s killer Oscar Pistorius
IT’S hard to articulate the admiration I feel for June Steenkamp, who said last week that she has forgiven Oscar Pistorius for killing her daughter Reeva five years ago.
Pistorius shot Reeva dead in the early hours of Valentine’s Day in 2013 when he fired four times through the locked door of his bedroom toilet.
He later claimed he didn’t realise it was Reeva who was cowering, terrified, on the other side of the bathroom door, and that he thought she was an intruder.
He has never taken responsibility for her murder, even though his original conviction for culpable homicide — the equivalent of manslaughter — was upgraded to murder on appeal.
I don’t think I could live with that, let alone forgive it. But somehow she has managed it.
In a televised speech at her daughter’s former school, she said: “I am not interested in Oscar Pistorius — I am finished with that . . . it’s up to the justice system now. I have no interest whatsoever in him.
“He is not important to me any more. It has been five years and I have had enough now.”
She also said she did not want to see the disgraced athlete suffering in prison.
Steenkamp told the school students: “I’ve got no feelings of revenge. I don’t want to hurt him — he is already a disabled person.
“I didn’t want him to be thrown in jail and be suffering because I don’t wish suffering on anyone, and that’s not going to bring Reeva back.
“One has to forgive to move on, otherwise you become ill.”
The thing is, of course, she is right: If she lets anger, bitterness and the desire for revenge dominate her mind then her life will become destroyed, too, as well as her daughter’s.
But while it is one thing to theorise about this stuff, it’s another thing entirely to act on that theory.
And she has shown jaw-dropping levels of self-discipline and mental strength to do so.
Two other women, whose children have also been horrifically murdered, spring to mind.
Denise Fergus, James Bulger’s mother, and Baroness Doreen Lawrence, mother of Stephen, have both spoken publicly about how impossible it would be for them to forgive their children’s killers.
And I think theirs is the response most would relate to.
Personally, I don’t think that I could forgive this man. The torment that Reeva’s mother must feel knowing that she wasn’t with her daughter when she needed her most . . . I can’t even bear to imagine it.
And it’s not just the fact he shot and killed Reeva, I could never forgive.
It is the fact he has never taken responsibility for doing so.
He is a snivelling wreck of a man who thought he was above the law and would get away with murder. Thankfully, he hasn’t.
If I were Reeva’s mother, I’d want to hunt Pistorius down and kill him with my bare hands rather than leave it to the justice system.
But instead of becoming consumed with hatred and bitterness, June is concentrating on creating good.
She has set up the Reeva Steenkamp Foundation to provide support and legal assistance to women and children who are victims of abuse and that is where she is directing her energies.
Instead of becoming consumed by her losses, this incredible woman has turned her thoughts to the future, to helping others, and to forgiveness.
Talk about making a silver lining out of the very darkest of dark situations.
But the reality is forgiveness will liberate her.
And although most of us will never have to pardon anything as heinous as this crime, we could all do with remembering how powerful it can be to forgive.
June Steenkamp is a brilliant reminder that, while we are not always in control of what happens, we are in control of our own reactions to things that happen.
And if it is even remotely still possible, I hope she manages to go on and have a very happy life because she deserves it.
Kourt up in cycle of envy
BOY oh boy, it must be hard to be a Kardashian.
I had to laugh when I saw the photo that Kim posted of her and Kourtney the other day wearing competitively skimpy bikinis.
The caption underneath said, “#NationalSiblingDay”. But the lyrics that sprang to my mind were: “Anything you can do, I can do better.”
I guess the flip side to being part of the most photographed family in the world – and valued mainly for the way you look – must be the fact that you have signed up to be constantly compared with your siblings.
And also that you are in constant competition with them.
One day Kylie brings out an extremely successful make-up range, the next your sister Kim has brought out rival ranges.
Khloe loses a few pounds and immediately one sister will go on a juice fast while the others have a go at Khloe for eating only salad.
No wonder their brother is a recluse.
I know millions of people are glued to the box working out how to keep up with the Kardashians.
But the real question in their minds – clearly – is how are they going to keep up with each other?
All I can say is, thank God I’m not a Kardashian.
WHAT kind of world are we living in when “war” is declared by the US president on Twitter?
It’s easy to feel at the moment as though World War Three is not far away and, that if things escalate any further, no one and nothing will stop that from happening.
I am sure we all, Theresa May included, wish there was another way.
Here's a Cloo to ponder
WITHOUT in any way wanting to reduce her to her fantastic wardrobe, every time I see a photo of Amal Clooney, I think she must surely be the best-dressed woman in the world.
I guess an unlimited budget helps, but style is another thing completely – and she certainly has that.
And brains. And a totally gorgeous husband. And two beautiful kids. And a wonderful job. And fabulous hair. And she’s beautiful.
Who said you can’t have it all?
Zucker's bad call
HAVING watched Mark Zuckerberg giving evidence before Congress in the US, I can only conclude that this man – who is famed and feted for changing the lives of a whole generation with the invention of Facebook – is distinctly unimpressive.
In fact, he struck me as being like a rabbit caught in headlights.
His answers came across as rehearsed and unspontaneous – and now we know why, he had a script.
But even with all the written answers, coaching and preparation, Mark, didn’t ever give a straight answer to a straight question.
Oh . . . and if he wants to come across as human, he should also try blinking occasionally.
MOST READ IN OPINION
I WAS agog to see that the Sunday Business Post Magazine illustrated a feature about the legacy of the Good Friday Agreement with portrait shots of six men on its front page last weekend.
The cover picture, which included Tony Blair, Gerry Adams, Ian Paisley and Bertie Ahern, left out Mo Mowlam – the former Labour MP and Northern Ireland secretary who is credited with laying the groundwork for Blair.
Say what you like about Mo Mowlam, but to airbrush her (and other women) out of the Good Friday peace process is re-writing history.
Karren's cruise disaster
I’VE just come back from a cruise.
Day one: I fell over on the balcony and bruised my shins.
Day two: My (ex!) husband dropped his iPad on my face while I was asleep “by accident”, or so he claims . . . and I have a gash on my nose.
Day three: I wake up with a fever of more than 38C, the ship’s doctor puts me on an IV drip of antibiotics and I spend the day in the ship’s hospital.
Blood tests reveal I have a chronic ear, throat and chest infection. I sleep for three days.
Day six: I wake up but cannot open my left eye – I have a severe eye infection.
Day 7: I leave, battered and bruised. And now I need a holiday to recover.
TOMORROW night my new show Give It A Year starts on ITV at 8pm.
The idea is that I meet entrepreneurs as they start out, then revisit them a year later to see if their business has reached lift-off.
“There’s a really fine line between enthusiasm and delusion,” I tell gung-ho inventor Thomas, who hopes to market a mug that keeps hot drinks at the perfect temperature.
The price is overheated at £100 for the basic model and, unbelievably, £1,000 for the deluxe version.
Thomas remains untroubled by modesty: “What I’ve created I think will go down in history.” Let’s see.
Also running a start-up is Sarah, whose idea for light-up letters for weddings looks plausible – until she starts talking about the business advice she took from a psychic.
The ideas are incredible, as are the people. A must-watch for all budding entrepreneurs.