Gary Speed’s devastated parents say they’ll never get over his suicide – and his mum can no longer watch footie
The heartbroken parents said they found it hard to not know exactly why he took his own life
GARY Speed's parents say they'll never get over his suicide as the pair opened up about how his mum can no longer watch football.
Roger and Carol Speed described it as "the biggest shock anyone could ever experience", after Gary was found hanged in his family garage.
They : "I know he is our lad, but since he has gone we have never heard a bad word said against him. We’ve got lovely memories, but no answers. All the time your mind thinks about why.
"If you don’t know the reason it happened you are never at peace. We didn’t know there was anything wrong with Gary. You never recover.
"It doesn’t get any easier. You can live with it more if, say, it was a car accident. Or if you knew he was ill, or could see he was ill, but we didn’t know anything."
His mum added she can't watch football anymore, as she pictures Gary playing and finds it too hard.
Yesterday we told how Gary's widow bravely told of the moment she found her husband hanged, and had to cut his body down.
The tragic story of the Welsh manager's life and death has been revealed in a new book.
Serialised in , Louise Speed described his death as "horrific" and says she will never forget the morning he died.
She says in Gary Speed: Unspoken - The Family's Untold Story: "The evening before, we had been out locally to a friend’s house. It was the first night we allowed our boys to stay at home with their friends while Gary and I went out. We felt they had got to that age where they could be left.
"The next morning back at our home turned into a horror film. I was the one who found him, the one who cut him down. I got Ed up and unfortunately he saw what his dad had done."
This week we told how Louise released a heartbreaking letter from the late Wales football manager - showing his struggles with mental health when he was a youth player at Leeds.
Gary - who killed himself in November 2011 at the age of 42 - wrote to Louise when he was just 17 telling her he was "so depressed".
He wrote: "I’m just going to go to sleep now and hope I never wake up."
The mum-of-two came across the letter when she was helping journalist friend John Richardson write a new book about the footballing legend, reports.
She said: "Seeing that was a lightbulb moment for me. It answers an awful lot about why he did what he did.
"It’s not something a normal 17-year-old would write, is it? Or not a well one. It seems to say it all really, when you consider how he ended his life."
The Sun's Chief Football Correspondent Neal Ashton wrote earlier this month how Louise has often considered whether there was a darker, more sinister, meaning to Speed's letters.
Written before the advent of mobile phones and social media, Speed often reverted to pen and paper to express himself.
Indeed it was through letters that Speed and his future wife developed their blossoming relationship.
Speed sent them to Louise at her parents’ home in North Wales, personalising their relationship and reinforcing their bond with handwritten letters from his bedroom at his digs in Leeds.
Louise read them avidly: the hopes and dreams of a talented young player struggling with being away from his family, missing his girlfriend, reaching out for something to keep him happy between training sessions and matches.
But at times they took a darker turn, and he talked of ending it, or appearing to hint he was ready to walk away from the sport before his career had even got going.
Even now, Louise admits she finds it difficult to forgive the football icon for taking his own life.
She said: "It’s something I will find hard to forgive Gary for. We were the ones who had to pick up the pieces and what he’d done was grotesque."
Welshman Speed became a cult hero in British football after a glittering career that took him to Leeds, Everton, Newcastle, Bolton and Sheffield United - making more than 900 appearances for club and country.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost - to suicide.
It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society - from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet, it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun has launched the You're Not Alone campaign. To remind anyone facing a tough time, grappling with mental illness or feeling like there's nowhere left to turn, that there is hope.
To mark World Suicide Prevention Day, over the course of this week, we will tell you the stories of brave survivors, relatives left behind, heroic Good Samaritans - and share tips from mental health experts.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let's all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others. You're Not Alone.
For a list of support services available, please see the Where To Get Help box below.
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He had been appointed Wales manager upon retirement, just a year before his death.
Yet despite his glittering career and perfect family, Speed left no note when he killed himself in 2011 at the childhood sweethearts' mansion near Chester.
Louise added: "Everyone asks why he did it but I have no answers. That’s why I’ll never have any closure.”
The Sun has launched our You're Not Alone suicide prevention campaign.
We are encouraging people to recognise the signs to watch out for in themselves and their loved ones and to be open about their mental health in a bid to save lives.
WHERE TO GET HELP
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, , 0800 585 858
- Heads Together,
- Mind, , 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus,, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, , 116 123
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123, or visit ’s website.