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tony parsons

We all have reasons to be glad that an oaf like Donald Trump is in the White House

I AM amazed at how many women and girls I know attended the big Women’s March in London last weekend.

Some of them had never been on a march in their young lives.

 The ego has landed ... from 14-year-old girls to fiftysomethings, women everywhere despise Donald Trump’s casual, crass sexism
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The ego has landed ... from 14-year-old girls to fiftysomethings, women everywhere despise Donald Trump’s casual, crass sexismCredit: Getty Images

Some of them had not been on a march since the anti-apartheid ­protests of decades ago.

They ranged from a gang of my 14-year-old daughter’s classmates to a venerable columnist at the Daily Telegraph, who marched with her 21-year-old daughter.

All of them had a great time — even my mate at the Telegraph, who was afraid that her pro-Brexit beliefs would leave her out of step with other marchers.

All of them, from 14-year-old girls to fiftysomething women, despise Donald Trump’s casual, crass sexism.

All of them are appalled by Trump’s apparent contempt for women. As the father of a growing daughter, I share their feelings.

And even as she wows them in America, I bet Theresa May does too.

May is on record about what she calls Trump’s “inappropriate” ­reflections on women, including his remarks about how amenable they are to “pussy-grabbing” when you are a rich old git.

 Strength in numbers ... everyone who marched in London was appalled by Trump’s apparent contempt for women
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Strength in numbers ... everyone who marched in London was appalled by Trump’s apparent contempt for womenCredit: Getty Images

This went way beyond locker-room banter. I was never in a locker room where men advocated sexual assault.

But a nation has to work with the friends it can get.

And as morons like Madonna talk about bombing the White House, it should be noted that for all his ­stupid sexism, Trump is not Hitler.

He is not even Stalin — one of the greatest allies this country ever had.

When the Russians were sacrificing 25million of their people in what they call the Great Patriotic War against Nazi Germany, the West did not raise objections about Stalin’s morality.

Our nation was fighting for its life. We could not afford to fret about Stalin’s human decency. We were damn glad he was there.

And we should be glad that fate has placed Donald Trump in the White House just when this country needs all the allies it can get.

In the uncertain world of post-Brexit Britain, Theresa May needs Trump almost as much as Churchill needed Franklin D. Roosevelt at another precarious moment in our history.

 Behind the mask ... Donald Trump is nothing like Russia's Joseph Stalin, but sometimes an unlikely ally turns out to be the best one for the job
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Behind the mask ... Donald Trump is nothing like Russia's Joseph Stalin, but sometimes an unlikely ally turns out to be the best one for the jobCredit: Getty Images

We don’t need a special relationship with Donald Trump. We don’t need to believe that the sun shines out of his hair-do.

We need a hard-headed, mutually beneficial working relationship with the new President of the United States. We would be mad to turn up our noses at Trump.

Call me a mad optimist but I do not believe there is anything in heaven, Earth or the Supreme Court that can stop this country leaving the European Union now.

Not Gina Miller. Not Tony Blair. Not what remains of the Labour Party. Not the House of Lords.

But we want to do more than ­survive outside the EU — we want to thrive.

Whatever you think of the man, having Trump in the White House makes that infinitely more likely. May has struck the perfect note with Trump — refusing to excuse his offensive prattle about women while constantly reiterating that the US and the UK are ancient allies, joined by the deep bonds of history, culture and language.

 Task in hand ... Theresa May is on record about what she calls Trump’s 'inappropriate' ­reflections on women, including his remarks about how amenable they are to 'pussy-grabbing'
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Task in hand ... Theresa May is on record about what she calls Trump’s 'inappropriate' ­reflections on women, including his remarks about how amenable they are to 'pussy-grabbing'Credit: Getty Images

You can make new friends but you can’t make old friends. And while applauding the women and girls who marched last weekend, I ­wonder if Donald Trump’s view of women is really light years away from how Bill Clinton or John F. Kennedy regarded women.

Perhaps we should ask Monica Lewinsky.

Or some of the women JFK ­bedded behind Jackie’s back.

Trump shouts about putting ­America first. But when was there ever a President who did not put America first? Do we really think that Barack Obama did not put America first? Every leader should put their own nation first.

Far more importantly to the UK is where — when it comes to trade deals — Donald Trump chooses to put the European Union.

And that is right at the back of the queue.


— ST CLARE’S Catholic School in Birmingham has banned a four-year-old Muslim girl from wearing a headscarf. Why all the fuss?

I doubt if a little four-year-old Catholic girl would be allowed to wear her crucifix at a Muslim school.

Camilla's glass is half full

 Gotta lotta bottle ... Camilla doesn't share her husband's pessimistic environmental outlook
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Gotta lotta bottle ... Camilla doesn't share her husband's pessimistic environmental outlookCredit: AP:Associated Press

WHILE Prince Charles writes a Ladybird book on climate warming, Camilla recommends that we look on the bright side. As the Earth heats up, the British will start making fantastic wine.

“I expect with global warming we are going to get better and better wine,” said Camilla – the daughter of a wine merchant – when addressing the UK

Vineyards Association.

Cheers, Camilla!

What a wonderful queen she will be.

 Battle lines ... Jeremy Corbyn and Gareth Snell have a fight on their hands if they want to convince the people of Stoke that Labour are worth voting for
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Battle lines ... Jeremy Corbyn and Gareth Snell have a fight on their hands if they want to convince the people of Stoke that Labour are worth voting forCredit: PA:Press Association

— LABOUR faces a momentous date with destiny in the two by-elections to be held on February 23.

The bookies currently have the Tories as odds-on favourites to win the Copeland by-election, while Ukip and Labour are ranked neck-and-neck frontrunners in Stoke-on-Trent Central.

That seems optimistic about Labour’s chances in Stoke, where they have chosen a candidate, maniac Remainer Gareth Snell, who shrieks Brexit is “a massive pile of s**t” – and is trying to get elected in a seat where 69 per cent voted Leave.

Both Stoke and Copeland are traditionally safe Labour seats.

Both are up for grabs now that Labour MPs and Labour voters disagree so profoundly about Brexit.

If Jeremy Corbyn loses both safe seats, he is toast.

Or, as they call it in Islington, lightly grilled ciabatta with a dribble of olive oil.

Syria war not for us, Bojo

 History repeating ... Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson suggested he could 'certainly imagine we would want to be involved' in enforcing any peace deal in Syria by putting boots on the ground
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History repeating ... Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson suggested he could 'certainly imagine we would want to be involved' in enforcing any peace deal in Syria by putting boots on the groundCredit: Getty Images

“UK troops for Syria” said Friday’s headline – as Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson suggested he could “certainly imagine we would want to be involved” in enforcing any peace deal in Syria by putting boots on the ground.

But Theresa May and Donald Trump have no appetite to repeat the catastrophic mistakes of Bush and Blair, who destroyed Iraq, or David Cameron, who bombed Libya into the failed state it is today.

 Not our problem? ... British forces should fight to protect British interests – not attempt to re-make the world
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Not our problem? ... British forces should fight to protect British interests – not attempt to re-make the worldCredit: Getty Images

The West is sick to death of failed military interventions in someone else’s misery.

We are tired of leaders, who never heard a shot fired in anger beyond the grouse moor, sending someone else’s sons and daughters into a war that can never be won.

So there will be no British boots in Syria, Boris.

Syria’s sectarian civil war is not our war.

British forces should fight to protect British interests – not to re-make the wicked world.

And Syria is not worth the life of one British serviceman.

 

Choose facing up to debate

 Ewan McGregor snubbed Good Morning Britain over Piers Morgan's controversial comments
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Ewan McGregor snubbed Good Morning Britain over Piers Morgan's controversial commentsCredit: Splash News

THERE are two things I don’t understand about Ewan McGregor refusing to be interviewed by Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain.

If Ewan disagrees with Piers’ views, surely it makes sense to calmly and rationally confront him on live TV?

Or do we no longer talk to people we disagree with?

Ewan was meant to be promoting T2 Trainspotting, a film so unappealing – ageing druggies confront the male menopause – that many of us would far prefer to see La La Land for a second time.

Surely the Trainspotting sequel needs publicity?

Choose Piers, Ewan. Choose debate.

 Fit for a prince ... Harry took part in a 2km charity run for the homeless and vulnerable
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Fit for a prince ... Harry took part in a 2km charity run for the homeless and vulnerableCredit: Getty Images

— FOR the first time in years, Prince Harry looks positively fit.

As he took part in a 2km charity run for the homeless and vulnerable, Harry was glowing with health inside his Lycra.

There is only one reason on earth why a former podgy-faced, bleary-eyed party boy starts getting in seriously good shape.

It must be love.

 Fruity ... Chelsea star Eden Hazard does a nice line in Man From Del Monte impressions
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Fruity ... Chelsea star Eden Hazard does a nice line in Man From Del Monte impressionsCredit: Getty Images

— CHELSEA’S Eden Hazard was a dead ringer for The Man From Del Monte as he headed for the bright lights.

Diego Costa, he say: “Yes!”

The pint-sized Belgian is fortunate that he is worth millions.

Remember what Peter Crouch said he would have been if he hadn’t been a ­footballer?

A ­virgin.

 Clever kitty ... new research from Kyoto University, Japan, insists cats are as intelligent as dogs
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Clever kitty ... new research from Kyoto University, Japan, insists cats are as intelligent as dogsCredit: Getty Images

— CAN’T recall any cat ever working as a guard cat, or an assistance cat or a cat who herds sheep.

Dogs work. Cats clean, preen and look snooty.

Still, I would not argue with new research from Kyoto University, Japan, that insists cats are as intelligent as dogs.

When my dog Stan meets a cat, he is curious, friendly and polite, approaching every flea-bitten old moggy with an air of, “Hello – I’m Stan. What kind of interesting creature are you?”

The cat always stiffens with horror, as if it can’t decide if it should scratch out Stan’s left or right eye first.

Cats may be as smart as dogs. But dogs are nicer.

 First class ... David Bowie stamp collection makes up for the lack of knighthood for the Thin White Duke
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First class ... David Bowie stamp collection makes up for the lack of knighthood for the Thin White DukeCredit: EPA

— DAVID BOWIE was a bit different to other rock stars.

Unlike Sir Mick, Sir Elton and Sir Rod, he declined the offer of a knighthood. When the Victoria and Albert Museum had its retrospective of Bowie’s career, he declined all invitations to be the V&A’s guest of honour – although I am reliably informed that he slipped into the exhibition incognito and saw it as a member of the public.

Bowie did not consider himself a star. He believed he was an artist.

He could never be bought by the Establishment.

But I think he would have got out his sly, goofy grin when he saw the David Bowie stamps that the Royal Mail are releasing next month.

And I know he would have loved them.

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