Golf, spa time and fabulous food on a Caribbean cruise is the perfect way to de-stress
Panto star Jonathan Wilkes reveals how a lads' golfing holiday completely relaxed him after an exhausting series of performances
THE audience got to their feet at the end of the 56th performance of Cinderella and I was exhausted. Elated but exhausted.
It had been a record-breaking run at the Regent Theatre in Stoke and my 12th year there.
Playing Buttons again had been enormous fun but all I could think about was that in a week’s time I’d be in the Caribbean.
I could almost taste the cold Banks beer (the one made in Barbados not the one from Wolverhampton) and feel the sun on my face.
It was a well-earned (though I say it myself) lads’ golf and wellness week aboard P&O Cruises’ newest ship, Britannia.
We were sailing from Barbados round the Dutch Antilles islands and on to Grenada, St Vincent in the Grenadines and home from St Lucia.
I went out a couple of days early to stay at the new Waves hotel and get in a sneaky extra round of golf. My friend, golf pro Dean Wingrove, was on the P&O Cruises charter flight, which he said was superb.
He checked in his luggage and clubs at an icy London Gatwick and the next time he saw them they were in his cabin on Britannia — brilliant.
I’d decided that although we would be playing three courses together, it would not all be about the golf.
We would take the time to relax, continue our search for the Caribbean’s best fish, get fit and I’d get myself back to par (excuse the pun) after the long run of panto.
And so, on the first morning after a jet-lagged jog round Britannia’s deck at sunrise, I found my face being wrapped in hot lavender towels in the Oasis spa as Milos’s skilled hands got to work on the shave I had booked.
The next hour was absolute relaxation and indulgence. I emerged with the smoothest face and calmest mind, ready to give Dean a run for his money on the course in Aruba the next day.
And so, after an indulgent afternoon tea from Eric Lanlard, cake-maker to the rich and famous, Dean and I started to talk tactics for the week ahead.
The Caribbean really is a golfer’s paradise. While many of the courses in the UK are closed in January, it is bliss to be able to play a different course each day in sunshine.
The Pete Dye-designed par-72 course in Curacao was extraordinary and very challenging.
We went to the top of a 19th- century limestone quarry and the views of the ocean and mountain were breathtaking. They even have a hole with prize money of a million dollars for a hole in one.
As the ship didn’t sail until 10pm, we all went into the buzzing old fort area for sushi before going back on board for a Caribbean pool party with Britannia’s resident band, Pulse, leading the dancing.
Aruba’s course the next day was fantastic, very linksy.
With turquoise whiptail lizards running around and owls in the bunkers, we had to play very carefully. I felt we should be joined by David Attenborough.
We then spent the early evening sampling wines from TV expert Olly Smith’s bar, the Glass House, aboard the ship.
His wine flights of three different choices encourage you to stray from the norm and expand your grape horizons.
We toasted Dean’s win with supper on deck at the Beach House, where the fillet steak cooked to perfection on a stone (by me) was one of the best I have ever had.
The day at sea was a welcome and total chill day. We sunbathed in the adults-only Retreat area with plates of pineapple, melon, smoothies and salads, feeling very virtuous but planning where to have our lunch during next day in Grenada.
And BB’s Crabback didn’t disappoint. The eponymous BB was away but his son Ashley looked after us superbly as we sampled his famed goat curry, crisp red snapper (up there with the best), barbecue ribs and icy cold Carib beers.
As I signed my name on the wall I vowed to come back for the king prawn dish with lobster and mango. After all, tomorrow is another lunch.
On our last full day we arrived in St Vincent in the Grenadines, where we had booked a trip via the ship’s shore excursion manager.
We walked through the terminal to the sounds of a tight four-piece band with steel drums and our speed boat was waiting to take us to Bequia.
Norbert the skipper steered us round the coast to look at ancient settlements and shipwrecks.
It was fascinating but we were itching to get to the white sand we could see in the distance.
We docked at Princess Margaret beach (she came over once from Mustique for a picnic) and strolled along the pier to Jack’s bar.
Within five minutes we were in the sea. Panto and real life seemed a world away.
A lunch of conch fritters and callaloo soup beckoned at the Plantation House. Callaloo, I discovered, is a dark green, super-leafy, thick Caribbean vegetable.
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It was a perfect day in the Caribbean and as Norbert put his foot down on the way back, none of us could stop smiling.
Our smiles were still there that evening as we went to see Eighties diva Jaki Graham in Britannia’s Limelight Club, which is modelled on the supper clubs of London and New York.
Jaki gave us an insight into her life, her loves and her career as her smoky, classic soul voice treated us to a selection of hits.
We rounded off the evening with a cheeky rum flight (three different aged rums) in the Blue Bar and a late-night performance from comedian Mark Walker before calling it a day. A truly great day.
St Lucia, Britannia’s final port of call, was a spectacular course.
It is set in a rainforest with incredible views and tight, well-designed holes.
Golfing on a cruise holiday is a relatively undiscovered pastime but it works brilliantly, especially if you are travelling as a family or as a pair.
You wake up each day in a different country, play a course for four hours then rejoin the group for lunch by the beach.
There’s some sightseeing or shopping — or you can simply enjoy your time on the ship while everyone else is in port.
Roll on panto — my bags are already packed for my next cruise. Oh yes they are!
Go: Caribbean
GETTING/STAYING THERE: P&O Cruises is offering a seven-night cruise on Britannia from £1,269 per person for an inside cabin.
Departing January 6 next year, price includes flights from selected UK airports, kids’ clubs, full-board meals and entertainment on board.
Departing from Barbados and returns to St Lucia. Ports of call include Aruba, Curacao, Grenada and St Vincent.
To book see pocruises.com or call 0843 373 0111.