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This Morning has big shoes to fill after Phillip Schofield exit – and Holly Willoughby the sidekick can’t do it

THE most perfectly timed beauty tip ever, on Tuesday’s This Morning, when resident expert Nadine Baggott told Holly Willoughby how to fix a ­sagging face in place with one simple manoeuvre.

A £10.32 device called ­Invisi-Tape.

Holly Willoughby and Alison Hammond
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Holly Willoughby and Alison HammondCredit: Rex
Holly with former co-host Phillip Schofield
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Holly with former co-host Phillip SchofieldCredit: Pixel8000

Strap one of these things to the top of your head and you’ll grin away, like a manic Ronald McDonald, no matter how brutal the occasion.

By my reckoning, then, Holly must have had about ten in place when she heard ­Jermaine Jenas announce the winner of the NTA Best ­Daytime gong was “The Repair Shop” and another dozen to see her through Wednesday’s show, where her mouth said, “Just to make it to the shortlist was wonderful”, while her body contortions said something altogether different.

“Help! Help! HELP!” if I’m not mistaken.

An understandable reaction given the fact that, once you’re in the groove at the National Television Awards, it’s almost harder to lose one than win.

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Twelve years on the trot This Morning had been crowned winner, including 2013, just a few weeks after Phillip Schofield had ambushed David Cameron with a list of high-profile ­paedophiles and sent Ofcom into meltdown.

Tuesday night, though, was the moment This Morning finally collided head-on with the court of public opinion and it was all the more embarrassing because the NTAs coincided with Holly’s return to the show which, as far as I can tell, has had only a couple of changes to the ­format since she ­disappeared on July 6.

One is a feature called “Gok Wan in a van”. (Leave it, he’s not worth it.)

The other is a slight tweak to the spin-to-win competition, which had Holly exclaiming: “We’ve got rid of the balls.”

Or, as they used to be known, Phillip Schofield who, whatever you thought about his private arrangements, was a brilliant host who, 99 times out of 100, could flip seamlessly between This Morning’s diet of serious and trivial ­features.

Holly can’t. She’s a sidekick and won’t be helped out of any holes by the sonic boom now standing on her right, Alison Hammond, who’s got one gear (fifth), takes the “Spanish FA” approach to most male guests and literally straddled Jason Donovan so completely on Tuesday’s show that the only bit of the actor I could see after he’d been engulfed was his right hand tapping out before she put him in a choke hold.

This sort of OTT schtick was just about bearable, once a week, but it’s unsustainable now it’s a full-time arrangement on a show with so much toxic baggage it’s spent the week trying far too hard to be cutesy and adorable.

On Wednesday, this involved filling the place with seven old English sheepdog puppies who were doing their job perfectly until one of them arched into position and uncurled the most monstrous turd you’ve ever seen all over This ­Morning’s studio floor.

As a metaphor for everything that’s happened, I didn’t think this could possibly be improved upon until co-host Craig Doyle confirmed: “The production gallery said we’ll clear it up later.”

Toxic baggage

Because this has been ITV’s approach to everything, from the Queuegate controversy, before the Queen’s funeral, to the Schofield crisis, which ensured only that the fallout was much worse and the viewers now know the programme team refer to them as “Tower block Traceys”.

Try as hard as you like to be a beaming friend to the nation, after such a detail leaks out it’s probably impossible to regain the trust of the audience once you’ve shown them this level of contempt.

For the sake of stubborness and ITV not knowing what else to do, though, I guess This Morning will keep ­grinding on and dealing with “the issues that really matter”.

Wednesday, Holly: “What does your coffee choice say about you?”

Vanessa Feltz: “I’m a skinny latte.”

That’ll be nothing then.

Unexpected morons in the bagging area

BEAT The Chasers, Bradley Walsh: “What character did Courteney Cox play in Friends?”

Lloyd: “Gary.”

The Chase, Bradley Walsh: “What hard-boiled food gets rolled down a hill annually at Padstow at Easter?”

Darren: “Cheese.”

The Weakest Link, Romesh ­Ranganathan: “The chef who has a 2021 cookbook titled Ramsay In 10 has what first name?”
Chef Rustie Lee: “John.”

The Finish Line, Roman Kemp: “The company Tate & Lyle is best known for producing what?”

Sean: “Cars.”

Random TV irritations

ATTENTION-craving Joe Lycett building an entire C4 ­special around anti-LGBTQ schools protests in Birmingham without once having the balls to mention they were led by the local Muslim community.

Alex Scott attempting to present Football Focus while drinking a mug of tea.

Attention-craving Joe Lycett
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Attention-craving Joe LycettCredit: Alamy

Everyone on Celebs Go ­Dating claiming: “I don’t know where my head’s at.” The NTAs’ VIP guests failing to sit down and shut the f*** up.

And Gino D’Acampo paying ­loving ­tribute to Gordon Ramsay and Fred Sirieix at the end of their latest travelogue with the fervent hope: “We’re going to do this for the next 30 years.”

Then quitting the show for ever over a contractual dispute. Celebs, hey?

Woke -up call for Baftas

AT the start of a very long National Television Awards, host Joel ­Dommett surveyed the massed ranks of telly detectives and said: “It’s a great night for a burglary.”

Sure enough, 150 minutes later, EastEnders stole the Best Soap award from Emmerdale.

Happy Valley’s Sarah 'The ­Duchess of' Lancashire
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Happy Valley’s Sarah 'The ­Duchess of' LancashireCredit: Rex

An act of grand larceny that still wasn’t the biggest shock of the night, which came when Happy Valley’s Sarah “The ­Duchess of” Lancashire opened her gob and revealed she’s grander and posher than the old Queen Mary.

Even with all its eccentricities and an opening monologue from Joel that made Lenny Henry look like Lenny Bruce, though, I would still take the ­NTAs’ honest mistakes over the terminally woke Baftas, where no one genuinely believes Big Zuu is a more entertaining presenter than Graham Norton but they gave him the award all the same.

In contrast to its wholly compromised BBC rival, ITV’s NTA voters are also capable of delivering timely put-downs to This Morning, Saturday Night Takeaway and Love Island while also demonstrating they give not a stuff for modern PC conventions by delivering a Quiz Show shortlist comprising Michael McIntyre, Bradley Walsh, Richard Osman and the brilliant 1% Club winner Lee Mack, who joked: “Diversity targets are really working.”

It won’t stop television trying to destroy the rest of its schedules, just as surely as they’ve let the woke revolution kill ­comedy, of course.

But the message from the NTAs was still clear.

Only the viewers can save television from itself now.

AND, yes, the schedule clash of the month was Secrets Of The Female Orgasm/Faking It UK.

THE One Show, Michelle “Cindy” Collins explains her big EastEnders comeback: “I was doing Cluedo somewhere up north when I got a call from my agent who said, ‘Would I be interested in . . .’ ”

Yes, she would.

Whatever the f*** it is he’s offering.

Great sporting insights

MICHAEL DAWSON: “Rodri is the best in the world in that ­position. Along with Declan Rice.”

Paul Merson: “Mohamed Salah says what it does on the tin.”

And Gary Lineker: “I smell a goalscorer when I see one.”

(Compiled by Graham Wray)


BEST quiz show answer of the week.

The Chase, Bradley Walsh: “Clinton, Oklahoma, is home to a museum ­dedicated to what famous American route?”

Ryan: “Ginger.”


TV Gold

AUSTRALIAN Jason Clarke ­putting in the best acting ­performance of the year as Jerry West on Sky Atlantic’s peerless Winning Time: The Rise Of The Lakers Dynasty.

Channel 4’s Ukraine: ­Holocaust Ground Zero.

EastEnders’ Bobby Brazier giving a disarmingly honest and touching Rising Star ­acceptance speech at the NTAs: “I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing.”

And the welcome return of Mortimer And Whitehouse: Gone Fishing, though I could’ve done without yet another ­mental health lecture from my television. This show is a balm for the eyes, ears and soul already, thanks.


Great TV lies and delusions of the week

The National Television Awards, Andrew Ridgeley: “This place is awash with talent.”

This Morning, Alison ­Hammond: “Yes, you chose the right channel – you really did.”

Andrew Ridgeley at the NTAs
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Andrew Ridgeley at the NTAsCredit: Rex

Celebrity Help! My House Is Haunted, Barri Ghai: “It seems Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen is not receptive to the paranormal. That’s probably the reason he’s never seen or heard anything.”

Or the fact the paranormal bears as much relation to real life as Kung Fu Panda, Moominvalley, Norman ­Picklestripes and Labour’s 2019 election manifesto. You decide.


ON Wednesday night, EastEnders halved the nation’s sperm count, at Wa­lford’s fertility clinic, where Reiss was losing the urge to perform, inside the Leslie Grantham memorial suite, even before Sonia came tap-tap-tapping at the ­cubicle door.

“Why don’t you put a video on?” she urged, reasonably enough. “Or why don’t I give you a hand?”

Why? WHY?

Do you want this baby or not, Sonia?

Then stick Good Will Humping on and let us never speak of this incident again.


Lookalike of the week

Kitty from Big Mouth and Suella Braverman, left
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Kitty from Big Mouth and Suella Braverman, leftCredit: Supplied

THIS week’s winner is Home Secretary Suella Braverman and Kitty from Big Mouth.

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Emailed in by James McGuire.

  • Column returns on September 29.
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