Jamie East: X-Men: Apocalypse is messily scripted and a bit daft, but still manages to be fun in places
Our film reviewer breaks down this week’s newest box office releases
X-Men: Apocalypse
(12A) 144mins
X-MEN: Apocalypse completes the series’ Origins trilogy and in theory it
should be incredible.
Instead it is confused, messily scripted, overlong and all a bit daft,
although it does still manage to be fun in places.
Apocalypse is the name given to the first and most powerful mutant of all
time, a blue-skinned Ancient Egyptian nut job.
He got trapped inside a pyramid thousands of years ago while trying to
transfer his soul into something resembling a golden parrot.
Then, in 1983, he is unleashed upon the world when the posh girl from
Bridesmaids finds him under a rug.
After learning every language and world event in history merely by touching a
TV screen he decides he’s not impressed with the Eighties.
He manages to solve the era’s arms race in ten seconds flat, but then deems us
unworthy of our planet.
So old Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac) plans on a bit of a spring clean to Earth.
Good job he wasn’t called John or Robert or something — it wouldn’t have had
the same ring.
He goes collecting his posse of bad mutants, using props from Stargate.
There’s Magneto, now a family man, and Raven, who is charging around saving
mutants from abuse while looking like Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan.
In the process he learns of the powers hidden inside Professor X’s head and
can’t resist having a pop at getting his hands on them.
The first 20 minutes are promising — after all, there is nothing better than a
hint at a massive showdown.
But despite the actors’ best efforts, in particular Michael Fassbender as
Magneto and James McAvoy as Professor X, the script is a bit of a shambles.
There are highlights. Magneto giving in to his destiny is a really great scene
and Sophie Turner takes a deserved break from Sansa Stark’s sulky manner on
Game Of Thrones and kicks ass as Jean Grey.
Turner also grabs the best line, leaving the cinema after watching Return of
the Jedi and announcing: “The third film is always the worst”.
Eek! What was clearly meant to be a tongue-in-cheek reference actually
feels a little too true.
Because it all becomes rather silly.
There is a ridiculous slow-motion sequence in the middle of the dramatic
climax that completely breaks the tension.
For dog jokes, of all things.
It’s a very confused film. It obviously strives for the younger audience with
the jokes and comic sequences — but also ensures kids will not be
allowed to see it because of unnecessary swearing and one hell of a gory
scene.
That one comes courtesy of a bloody and brutal cameo from Hugh Jackman as
Wolverine/Weapon X.
But aside from all those grumbles, this is in no way as bad as some people
have made out.
I found it fun and daft, just as superhero films should be — my biggest
problem is just that it is at least half an hour too long.
By the time it all finally kicked off I couldn’t even remember why everyone
was in trouble in the first place.
Sun Rating: 3/5
Sing Street
(12A) 106mins
FEW things in life sum up being a teen than having your heart broken, being
bullied or sitting in your bedroom listening to your parents have an
almighty barney.
Few films manage to get that aching and yearning on to the screen in as funny,
honest and original a way as Sing Street.
This is one of the best musical comedies I have ever seen.
Cosmo is a 14-year-old kid locked away in his bedroom from his parents’ feuds
with nothing but a guitar and a body full of hormones.
Money troubles force a downsize of school to a rough comprehensive run by
priests.
There, among the bullying and daydreaming, he catches a glimpse of the aloof
and beautiful Raphina.
He does what any teen does – he doesn’t think and before he knows it has told
her he is in a band and wants her to appear in the music video.
To his amazement, she – with older boyfriend with a moustache and a real car –
says yes.
He’d best nip off sharpish and form that band then. What follows is a charming
love story, full of painful laughs and incredible music (both the classics
the band emulate and the original songs they write – I defy you not
to have Girls in your head for weeks after), brought to life by the largely
unknown cast supported by old pros such as Game of Thrones’ Aidan Gillan,
ethereal Lucy Boynton and rising superstar Jack Reynor.
I don’t know whether it’s because of the incredible music or the
scream-out-loud script, but to me this knocks Billy Elliot, The Full Monty
and other homegrown (I’m honorary Irish for this review, folks) blockbusters
into a cocked hat.
Easily the best comedy of the year.
Love the film, buy the soundtrack, paint your nails, put some blusher on and
fall in love for the first time, again.
Sun Rating: 5/5
A Hologram for the King
(12A) 98mins
WITH a wonderfully weird opening sequence which has Tom Hanks singing Talking
Heads’ Once in a Lifetime, you’d think this is going to be Hanks
getting quirky, but that’s just a red herring.
In fact, A Hologram For The King is like a Phil Collins album – you already
know whether it’s going to be your thing or not.
Hanks is Alan, a divorcee in the last chance saloon, both careerwise and
personally, who gets the chance to land a huge IT contract selling
hologram-conferencing technology to the King of Saudi Arabia.
Taking on the challenge, the desperate American salesman arrives in the
blistering heat to find himself in limbo in a town that isn’t built, with no
one being much help. Hanks is a master at being the fish out of water and
has this whole schtick down pat.
And this time, he finally gets some nookie.
There are a few clunky metaphors, but plenty to save it from schmaltz.
The chemistry between Hanks and Sarita Choudhury seems genuine and Alexander
Black and Sidse Babett Knudsen are excellent.
Annoyingly, the film speeds up to 200mph in the last two minutes as they cram
a summary of the whole thing into a ten-second voiceover: “And then the
Saudi King did this and we were sad and then I fell in love and had my tea
then it was time for bed the end.”