The Legend of Tarzan is not arty, it is not superhero and it is not ‘blockbustery’ enough
The problem is the story, not the cast - we get four films in one
THE LEGEND OF TARZAN
(12A) 110mins
THIS has not been a good year for movies so far.
More films have disintegrated under the weight of expectation than have surprised us.
Is Tarzan the exception?
Sadly not.
It is a treat for the eye but there is more fun to be had swinging in Surrey than in this jungle . . . or so I’m told.
It isn’t the cast’s fault.
Alexander Skarsgard is a really good Tarzan — perhaps the best ever (sorry, Brendan Fraser).
I expected a reedy, wimpy kind of hero but he is just the right side of beefcake.
Margot Robbie is perfectly adequate as Jane and does all she can as the standard “feisty damsel in distress”.
Samuel L Jackson plays the same role he has for the past 20 years — and I’m not bored of it yet.
He gets all the best lines (one in particular about a gorilla’s testicles) while Christoph Waltz is, as ever, superb as the villain, stealing every scene he appears in.
With all these elements chucked into the pot, I was baffled by who the intended audience was.
The problem is the story.
Not quite a full origin tale, we instead get four films in one — a love story, an animal action pic, a chase movie and a serious look at colonial Africa.
We meet Tarzan in London as his Clark Kent alter-ego Lord Greystoke, before he is persuaded to return to the jungle because of something-something-Belgium-something.
He doesn’t want to go but does.
Jane wants to go with him, he doesn’t want her to but she does.
Samuel L Jackson inexplicably tags along and before we know it, all hell has broken loose.
Jane gets collared, Tarzan gets his collar, cuffs and the rest of his shirt torn off, an elephant is described as having “wise eyes” and a lot of tribesmen are furious because of a misunderstanding about honour.
Too slow for kids and plot's not strong enough for adults
There is plenty to like in between.
The gorilla scenes are great and the interaction between the animals and Tarzan is expertly done.
Waltz and Robbie have a brilliant dining scene reminiscent of Marion and Belloq in Raiders Of The Lost Ark, with Waltz menacingly adjusting her cutlery (not a euphemism) and flexing his weird whip/choker/spiderweb rosary beads to full effect.
His inevitable demise is suitably grisly but — as with the whole of the movie — not a single drop of blood is spilled.
That is despite an entire coastal town being destroyed by an impressive stampede.
I can’t work out who this is aimed at.
It is too slow for kids, not romantic enough for a love story and the plot isn’t quite strong enough to hold an adult’s attention.
It is not arty, it is not superhero and it is not “blockbustery” enough.
But the exemplary cast give it just enough welly for it not to be a waste of time.
That Tarzan, bit lame.
★★★☆☆
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WEINER
(15) 96mins
Film of the week
AFTER watching this docu about disgraced Congressman Anthony Weiner’s attempt at a comeback as Mayor of NYC, it made me glad we only have to deal with Boris and Farage.
Weiner was one of the hottest tickets in US politics until he decided to send multiple women pictures of his, er . . . wiener.
Weiner himself is very likeable.
What’s really gut-wrenching is that he comes so close to gaining people’s trust again – until he gets his wiener out.
Again.
What’s really gut-wrenching is that he comes so close to gaining people’s trust again – until he gets his wiener out. Again.
Watching from the eye of the storm is utterly fascinating, and far funnier than it should be.
The man simply cannot control himself.
The real heart of the story is his relationship with his wife, Huma.
Once a powerful political figure in her own right, she finds herself reduced to an exasperated soundbite, clearly furious with her husband yet having to behave like a hostage.
Fantastic filmmaking about a compelling man with an amazing, if car-crash story.
★★★★☆
THE NEON DEMON
(18) 117mins
YOUNG model Jesse’s transformation from doe-eyed country girl to the hottest property in town is, at times, a good laugh, occasionally an interesting look at the spiteful world of fashion, but mainly an odd 90-minute Nicki Minaj video.
Fans of Drive, director Nicolas Winding Refn’s most recognised work, will love the stylised look and synth-heavy soundtrack, but those preferring a semblance of logic or storyline will be lost.
I didn’t need this film to tell me that beneath the glamour of the fashion industry lies a wasp’s nest smothered in dog turd
There is some great stuff, notably from Elle Fanning as Jesse and Christina Hendricks as her agent, plus the desperate older models simmering with jealousy, but there is too much rubbish like Keanu Reeves (surely one of the worst actors on Earth) getting in the way.
I didn’t need this film to tell me that beneath the glamour of the fashion industry lies a wasp’s nest smothered in dog turd.
This looks good, but as the film goes to great lengths to point out, looks can be deceiving.
★★☆☆☆
Top 5 films this week
1. The Secret Life Of Pets
2. Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie
3. Central Intelligence
4. Independence Day: Resurgence
5. The Conjuring 2: The Enfield Case
l Source: launchingfilms.com