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'I LET MY ANGER GO'
Ferne McCann tells how baby Sunday has helped put the trauma of Arthur Collins’ acid attack behind her
FERNE McCann says she has finally left behind the trauma of last year as she celebrates her first Mother’s Day with daughter Sunday.
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He was later sentenced to 20 years behind bars.
But in an exclusive interview with The Sun on Sunday, Ferne revealed she has now let go of her anger and is feeling the happiest she has been for a long time.
And she told how little Sunday — now four months old — is the reason for “all of her happiness”.
“I had to let my anger go for the sake of my own sanity and to be the best possible mum to Sunday.
“And I’m beginning to come out of the other side. Time has helped me to realise things do get better and I have so much to be grateful for.
“Since Sunday came along, everything in my life has changed for the better. I can’t wait to spend my first Mother’s Day with her. We’re going to be with my family all day.”
But it will not be the Mother’s Day Ferne imagined when she fell pregnant.
And Ferne revealed how the shock tipped her world upside down.
I was so angry at Arthur because of what happened that night, and because of what he had snatched away from me
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“We had been making plans to move in together and build a life for our family.
“I was imagining my future with the person that I had made this baby with.
“But then when he went on the run, my life was turned upside down.
“And I was so angry because I couldn’t accept that I was suddenly in a position that I was going to have to do this on my own.
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“The time he spent on the run was horrible, because it was the fear of the unknown. And the shock of the situation was awful. I almost couldn’t believe what was happening.
“I had to get away, so I went to my dad’s and then flew to Ireland. I wanted to be in a safe place. But even then I was reading about it.
“And my heart went out so much to those who were hurt that night. I never felt it was right to express my pain when people had been physically hurt. The focus was rightly on them. In that one week my life had completely fallen apart, but I had to pick up the pieces in front of everyone, while I was carrying a baby.”
After a week on the run, police finally arrested 25-year-old Collins.
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She said: “I had to go and see him. I hadn’t seen him since I found out about the acid attack, and yet I was carrying his child.
“I needed to confront him and show my anger. And I had a lot of questions I wanted to ask so that I could try to understand and to heal.
“So many lives were devastated that night and one of them was mine.
“That is something I’ll have to live with and something I’ll have to explain to my daughter when she is old enough to understand.”
Ferne continued: “It’s hard for me to marry my pregnancy with being a mum, because the two don’t go together. My entire pregnancy feels like a bit of a blur.
Moment of Arthur Collins acid attack in London nightclub caught on CCTV
“While it was the most incredible thing, I was stressed and upset a lot of the time.
“Sunday was my saving grace, because she gave me a reason to look after myself — I was carrying this little human.
“I remember thinking even then, ‘Thank God I’m pregnant’.”
Former I’m A Celebrity star Ferne began dating businessman and scaffolder Collins in the summer of 2016.
The pair later broke up, but rekindled their romance last March, with Ferne even admitting they had discussed getting married.
And she was “elated” when she discovered she was pregnant.
She added: “I had missed a period, but I kept putting off doing the test because I thought, ‘Surely not’.
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Then when I did, I was elated. Even though it wasn’t planned, for me, it was the right time. It was perfect. I knew my life was going to completely change and I was so happy.
But then everything changed so suddenly. After that I had nine months to accept that everything had changed and I was going to be bringing up a baby on my own.
“Just having those moments when you realise, ‘Oh my God, I’m on my own’. It was like I had to grieve for the life I’d imagined and I had lost.
“Compared with all that, giving birth was nothing. Going through that has helped me realise there are so many brave women out there who cope with being single parents in really tough circumstances.
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“They inspired me to stop thinking I was in a terrible situation and to embrace the positives, embrace motherhood. I have a lot to be grateful to them for and the support they have shown.”
Despite her ordeal, Ferne, who gave birth just weeks before Collins was convicted, has settled into her new life as a single mum.
During our interview she repeatedly pauses to check Sunday is happy with her favourite toy, a blue teddy bear.
And she confesses that in spite of fears of coping with parenthood alone, she now can’t imagine raising her girl with someone else. She added: “It’s me and Sunday against the world. I can’t imagine someone else putting her to bed, or doing the night feeds.
Ferne McCann's ex Arthur Collins sentenced to 20 years in jail for throwing acid over a crowd at a nightclub in Dalston, East London
“She’s my healthy obsession, and I’m very protective of her.”
Soon after Sunday’s birth in November, it emerged that Ferne had visited Collins in Belmarsh prison with their newborn daughter.
Collins then surprised her with a legal letter asserting his right to see his daughter and be involved in her life. The demand initially prompted an exchange of letters between their lawyers. But Ferne says it made her confront the fact Collins will, at some stage, be involved in Sunday’s life.
She has now decided not to fight his assertion, after seeking advice from her own lawyers and a child psychologist.
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She said: “It is a huge thing to have to make decisions you are forced into. I have to think of Sunday and what is best for her. It hasn’t been an easy decision and some people may think I’m wrong. But the last thing I want to do is hide what is going on.
“I’m with Sunday every day of her life and she is my number one priority. I am doing this so she can make her own choice when she’s older, rather than me forcing it on her now.
“I hope it is the right decision, and I think it is. Having accepted that position I had to accept I would probably also need to see Arthur again.
“If Arthur has to see Sunday, then I want absolute control of the situation. If she is going into a prison I want to be with her and know she’s OK.
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“I’m not going to just drop her off and hope for the best.”
‘I’m open to finding love again as I’m a romantic’
While the wrangling has been painful, Ferne wants to open up about the situation to silence rumours the pair are still in a relationship.
And she insisted there is no way back for the former couple.
She said: “Arthur and his family will always be in my life because we have a child. But I don’t know how people can possibly think Arthur and I are still together. There is no way back.
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“I don’t think people realised the impact Arthur’s actions had on me as they were rightly more concerned with those that were physically hurt that night. Those actions have made the last 12 months of my life horrendous.”
Her words come days after The Sun revealed Ferne had struck up a relationship with an older man.
Lifting the lid on her new love interest, she said: “There is someone older who has been a confidant — who’s been there for me emotionally.
“I’d hardly call it a relationship, it’s in the early stages. I’ve only just had a baby after all and Sunday still sleeps in the same bed as me. I have no idea whether it will develop but he knows that I can’t rush things.
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“I’m definitely open to finding love again because I’m a romantic at heart. But it has to be when the time is right. Right now it’s just me and Sunday, and I feel very lucky.”
Meanwhile Collins’ legal team has lodged an appeal against his sentence and aim to convince a judge he is not a danger to the public. It could see him freed from jail in ten years.
FERNE has asked that her fee for this interview be donated to the charity Gingerbread, which helps support single parents. For more information see .
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