Liam Gallagher pens grovelling lyrics to brother Noel begging to reform Oasis a decade after split
A DECADE on from Oasis’ split, desperate thug Liam Gallagher has penned a grovelling love letter begging brother Noel to get the band back together.
The cringeworthy singer shared the lyrics to his upcoming track, One Of Us, on his website days before its actual release date.
Given his level of intelligence, that’s hardly surprising. But it’s his fans I feel sorry for, because if they were expecting some old fashioned rock ’n’ roll from their idol they will be hugely disappointed.
The song sadly includes the same drivel about missing his sibling that he’s been peddling since their big bust-up back in 2009.
On the track, from upcoming record Why Me, Why Not?, Liam sings: “Come on I know you want more, come on and open your door.
“After it all you’ll find out, you were always one of us, act like you don’t remember.
“You said we’d live forever, who do you think you’re kidding? You are only one of us, in time.”
In another line he refers directly to his older sibling Noel as “kid” and whines: “It’s a shame you thought you’d change, but you were always one of us.”
The embarrassing lyrics are accompanied by a similarly mortifying video, which saw Liam casting young actors to play himself, Noel and their middle brother Paul.
Noel has ignored Liam’s sad pleas and last week said the band would never reunite. And it’s hardly surprising.
Let's not forget he appeared to lunge at the throat of girlfriend Debbie Gwyther during a furious row a year ago.
And in June the coward sent a threatening message to niece Anais that was a warning to Noel’s missus Sara MacDonald.
It read: “Tell your step mam be very careful.”
Forget another album, this sad act needs a restraining order.
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Cardi floats an idea
MOST people use armbands to help them learn how to swim – but Cardi B has a better method.
The American rapper wore a starry outfit on stage in California on Sunday night and later joked about her surgically-inflated chest in a cheeky Instagram selfie.
She captioned the picture: “I can’t swim so I bought these t***ies so I can float.”
Cardi’s made no secret of her investment in cosmetic surgery over the course of this year.
As well as getting new boobs, the Bodak Yellow star splashed out on liposuction earlier this summer to help her bounce back following the birth of daughter Kulture in July last year.
But when she returned to the stage just weeks after the op, she suffered from a string of complications which led to her cancelling a number of big gigs.
Cardi later swore off surgery and told her fans: “I been working out for the past 2 weeks cause bitch, I ain’t getting surgery again.”
At least those silicone floats will always come in handy.
bizbit
DRAKE has a tattoo which depicts him as a fifth member of The Beatles, on the famous Abbey Road zebra crossing.
He got the ink to celebrate breaking several of the Liverpool band’s Billboard Hot 100 records in the US.
Miley tells all
THE public have already read about Miley Cyrus’s turbulent love life – now they are about to hear about it, too.
Today she put up a photo of herself in a recording studio, just days after announcing her split from husband Liam Hemsworth and being pictured kissing a US reality star.
She hinted she is pouring her heartache into new music just as Liam broke his silence in Australia and said: “You don’t understand what it’s like.”
The Mother’s Daughter singer snogged Kaitlynn Carter – best known for appearing in The Hills – in Italy on Friday, but wasn’t laughing about it after Kaitlynn’s ex-husband Brody Jenner left a snide comment about it on Instagram.
Referencing the kiss, Brody wrote in a comment to a pal: “Watch out! Pics of Liam and I holding hands on the beach coming soon.”
But Miley quickly hit back and replied: “Go take a nap in your truck and cool off.”
I think this war of words is only just beginning.
Get ready for endless Wrecking Ball jokes.
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Kel sends boyfriend to back of the Q
IT’S time for Kelly Osbourne to get back on the dating apps, as she has split from her model boyfriend Jimmy Q.
The couple started dating earlier this year and were spotted out and about looking loved up at a series of events, including Chelsea Flower Show, All Points East festival and London’s LGBT Awards.
But Kelly – who has previously searched for love on celebrity matchmaking app Raya – and Jimmy called time on their relationship last month after finding it increasingly hard to spend time together amid work commitments.
It comes as Kelly, daughter of rocker Ozzy, celebrated two years of sobriety at the weekend, posting on Instagram: “I can’t put into words how much my life has changed.”
Jimmy, meanwhile, has been getting over the break-up by partying and boozing in Las Vegas.
A music source said: “Kelly and Jimmy initially seemed really well suited and were incredibly smitten.
“But sadly, in the last few months of their relationship, they started to argue a lot.
"It just made sense for them to go their separate ways as they wanted different things.”
I reckon Kelly’s probably well rid.
bizbit
MISSY Elliott will be honoured with the Video Vanguard Award at the MTV Video Music Awards and will take to the stage at the ceremony in New Jersey, for the first time since 2003.
Catch the show on MTV UK at 9pm on August 27.
Beth-er than Naomi?
CALVIN Klein has taken a leaf out of the BBC's box-ticking book in their latest underwear campaign.
In the new pics, all of the blokes have chiselled six packs and bulging biceps while two of the ladies, models Naomi Campbell and Bella Hadid, have tiny waists.
And then, purely it seems as a token gesture, the fashion house has signed up plus-sized singer .
I'd argue the Gossip star is the most talented of the big names in the #MyCalvins IRL campaign.
But seeing as all the others look like genetically perfected clones, it seems Beth has been chosen to make sure the campaign doesn't outrage the PC brigade. I hope you're rolling your eyes as much as I am.
bizbit
SARAH Silverman has said she was once fired from an undisclosed film after the producers found her with a blacked-up face.
The comedian said she didn't fight their decision and was upset about her "regrettable joke".
Two Eds are better than one
ED Sheeran is finally nearing the end of his 260-date Divide tour, so perhaps he could have done with cloning himself sooner than this.
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He posed back to back with an unlikely lookalike backstage in Reykjavik, Iceland on Sunday, when his support act Zara Larsson dressed up as him.
The final countdown is now on for the mammoth tour, with shows in Leeds on Friday and Saturday, before a final four concerts next week at Ipswich’s Chantry Park, near to his childhood home.
With these ginger wigs on sale at his gigs, at least he will find it easier blending in when he gets back to Suffolk.
bizmeter
- SLIPKNOT are on track to go to No1 in the album charts this Friday. We Are Not Your Kind is currently ahead of Ed Sheeran’s No.6 Collaborations Project by more than 13,000 sales. Their breakthrough album Iowa is their only other No1, having topped the charts in 2001.
- Russell Tovey has reunited with his former fiancé Steve Brockman, a year after they called off their four-month engagement. The Years And Years actor recently went on a romantic getaway to Portugal with the personal trainer after deciding to give their relationship another go.
- Craig David has announced he will return with new single Do You Miss Me Much on August 22, just in time for his performance at South West Four festival. He said: “This is for every one of my fans that asked me to drop a straight up UK Garage banger like I used to.”
- Lady Gaga has hit back at musician Steve Ronsen, who is threatening legal action and claiming her hit Shallow from A Star Is Born rips off part of a song he wrote called Almost. Gaga’s team said: “Should (his lawyer) proceed with the case, Lady Gaga will fight it vigorously and will prevail.”
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