The tsunami inspired me to donate my sperm
SPERM donors help to create more than 800 babies every year in Britain – but
now we are facing a shortage of “donor daddies”.
For thousands of couples going through fertility problems – one in six,
according to the British Fertility Society – a sperm donor is the only way
of achieving their dream of becoming a parent.
But as their identity is protected, little is known about the men who make
conception possible.
Only the children they create are allowed to learn their names – and then not
until their 18th birthday.
Here, we speak to three men who have donated their sperm.
Mark Jackson, 43
MARK, a railway signalman from Doncaster, has been a donor for seven years,
helping at least two families. While partner Jenny, 33, with whom he has two
sons and a stepson, accepts his decision, she wasn’t always keen.
“Just over six years ago I was watching coverage of the tsunami in the Far
East and I felt so insignificant, like nothing I did would ever make a
difference.
“As I was looking at those awful photos, I saw a news bulletin flash up about
new anonymity laws for sperm and egg donors.
“I decided to do some research online and found out about huge donor shortages
and rising demand. It really struck a chord – tens of thousands of couples
were being denied the chance to have a family.
“Back then I had no desire to be a dad, although I wasn’t ruling it out in the
future.
“But I knew I wanted to help. I really didn’t mind if a child came knocking on
my door in 18 years as long as someone’s life had been made better.
“I looked on the website for the National Gamete Donation Trust, a
government-funded charity, and booked an appointment at the Manchester
Fertility Services clinic.
“There I had the tests to show my sperm was freezable and, in 2005, I donated
nine samples over a three-month period.
“I had to make regular 150-mile round trips to the clinic, taking unpaid time
off work and only getting very basic expenses. But that wasn’t why I was
doing it.
“Then four years ago I met Jenny. We hit it off instantly. She had an
eight-year-old son from a previous relationship and I knew she wanted
another child.
“In September 2008 we had Lewis. It was then that she became cautious about my
donating sperm, worrying about Lewis having half-brothers and sisters
turning up in years to come demanding to be part of our family.
“She didn’t understand that I just wanted to help other couples have what we
had had.
“But she knew I wouldn’t back down and would carry on donating until I had
helped my full quota of ten couples to have a child.
“I think we accepted our differences. I have donated 19 times in total.
“Last year Jenny and I had another baby boy, Finley, and I think it was about
then she started to understand me better.
“As we got older she realised how many of our friends were having problems
conceiving.
“For someone to help them out by donating sperm, or eggs for the woman, was
amazing.
“She now talks openly to friends and family about what I do.
“If it wasn’t for the fact we want another baby she would donate her eggs.
“It’s a tragedy so many people are denied three IVF attempts because of
postcode lotteries – to pay thousands of pounds yourself isn’t always
possible.
“In a couple of years I’ll be too old to donate. I want to encourage more men
to make someone’s life better.”
Ian Mann, 30
IAN, a gay pub quiz host from London, wanted to help childless couples but
stopped donating after learning he carries the cystic fibrosis gene.
“I got involved with sperm donating a few years ago when I was at the
Manchester Pride Festival.
“There was a stand for an organisation called Pride Angel which connects sperm
and egg donors with infertile and same-sex couples.
“I was at the age where I might have been thinking about having kids.
“The fact is, I wasn’t – but it got me thinking about how could I help.
“I signed up at the website for Pride Angel, which offers a completely free
service, but for a while I did not connect with anyone I felt comfortable
donating to.
“You’re put in direct contact with whoever you’re considering and you’re
encouraged to keep in touch with your donor family.
“Having a child is a huge commitment and I wanted to be certain whoever I was
helping was going to be up to the job.
“Around the same time, I also started donating to the London Women’s Clinic
(LWC), a renowned IVF clinic on Harley Street.
“I was warned that any children resulting from my donations could get in touch
when they turned 18. It didn’t faze me.
“I figured that the chance of them looking me up was pretty slim.
“Why would they bother when they had been brought up by two loving parents?
“I was told my sperm were pretty strong, so everything seemed great. Then I
had a screening by the LWC.
“My jaw hit the floor when the results came back that I was carrying a dormant
cystic fibrosis gene.
“It meant that if my sperm was paired with an egg that had the same gene, the
child would have cystic fibrosis.
“The odds were tiny but, of course, it’s a chance no one wants to take. All my
donations were destroyed and that was the end of that.
“I was pretty depressed about it and spoke to my mum. She said there was no
history of CF in our family. It was just one of those things.
“Since then, I’ve got in touch with a couple of women through Pride Angel who
are desperate to become mums. We’re sussing each other out and so far it’s
going well.
“So long as they get tested to make sure they’re not CF carriers as well, my
faulty gene won’t be an issue.
“I wish other men would consider being donors. There are so many people out
there who would make great parents and just need a little help.“